Janet Dailey 1944 to 2013 and some personal thoughts reading her books brought to mind

Readers lost another memorable author this year: Janet Dailey.  She was a romance novelist that I favored some time ago when I devoured similar books in the 70s and early 80s.  I cannot say that I outgrew her books  but my current interests  lean toward historical novels,  biographies, autobiographies, mystery, crime or police dramas, etc.  This is not diminish Dailey’s talent but just shows how ones interest may expand over time to include other writers and writing styles.

 Like many people, she overcame scandal but had many faithful readers and followers during that difficult time.  With the thousands and thousands of writers who may be veracious  readers as well, it must be difficult to keep ones writing style “pure” and at the same time consistent without the flavor of another writer blending in by accident or by design.  Personally, I did not keep up with whatever the facts might have been at the time but I do appreciate the fact that she survived to write another day.  This speaks “volumes” about her personally as well.  What I choose to remember is that she admitted to the “infractions”, lost a publisher, but kept on writing.  I am a fan of the other author too but this is not about her but the life of an author worthy of recall. 

 The writings of Janet Daily are and were great for those who relish in the escape to romantic novels BUT who in real life might not tolerate the actions of the men in these novels.  Just like boys will be boys, some men are men: good, bad or indifferent. However some are worth the time and trouble it takes to find the love that for some can only be or best found in books.   Just saying….

 While sharing my personal thoughts about Janet Daily, it brought other fond memories to mind when things were quite different for me. My next door neighbor and I probably read everything offered by this author as well as those by Barbara Cartland, who passed away back in 2000.  We swapped books with each other to save money and to avoid interruptions in our reading pleasures, our favorite pastime.  We were both young mothers and any spare time (which was truly minimal) was spent reading and sharing these “loving” stories with each other.  While at the time, life seemed so complicated with the money never quite stretched far enough, our home was literally failing down around us, our choices in clothing were from second hand stores (there were no Wal-Mart or Target stores back then), Christmas shopping was by necessity on layaway plans with one or two gifts at best, what I remember best was the fellowship shared with another woman and that I still had my reading pleasure to escape from the realities of ever day living. 

 Books with their plots, characters (real or imagined) are one of the many blessings that life has offered me and millions of others just like me.  My situation may be much changed but some things thankfully have not changed, that being my appreciation and love for printed words.

Life is full of facts and fiction so why not enjoy some reading to complement our life, expand our knowledge, increase our awareness or provide the distractions that are so needed in our task of living, not just existing.  No, I do not believe in the happily ever after in fairy tales but I do believe in possibilities that reading creates in our mind that feeds a goal that produces a plan to develop the life we want for our self or more importantly for others. 

Reading, it’s what’s for ….. (Now you fill in the blanks)

Note to self about 2013 family Chirstmas dinner

I write letters to myself when I am sad, disappointed or dealing with an upset.  So here goes….

Our family dinner was today and all went okay.  My son is the only one who lives away and could not be there to share in the family time on the date that was decided for this year.  He has one day off a week and his Christmas work holiday is Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

Perhaps some of them will drop by our home on Christmas Eve next week while he is here.  This is the first time in about 20 years that we have not celebrated as a family on Christmas Eve, hence my personal disappointment.

The “hostess” has both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day at her house.  I have New Year’s Day at my home. My oldest nephew (son of the hostess) has Thanksgiving dinner on the Saturday before Thanksgiving at his home. With these days in mind, I suggested that we alternate the location using my home every other year and that suggestion did not go well AT ALL.  I suggested that Christmas Eve be considered for next year so that Jason could at least attend every other year.  That suggestion was equally and firmly rejected.  She said “No, I want to have it at my house.”   Talk about “not playing well with others”.  Her reaction should not have been a real surprise but I at least thought that she would consider one or both of my offers.  Our mother and other sister wanted to alternate homes as well. We will just need to stay tuned for further (future) developments along these lines.  She must think that Christmas time is like Burger King, “she can have it her way”.

Oh well, my son said that as long as he gets to have time with me (his mother) and visit his grandma (my mother), that is the main thing that matters to him. What a perfect response.  I guess he understands our family dynamics better than me and has learned to adjust accordingly. It seems that the table has turned and I will now learn from him. Not a bad option.

Imagine that. I have been concerned about his not being able to spend time with the whole family and his primary concerns are his mother (ME) and visiting his grandmother.  I can totally live with that. 

Christmas thoughts and the importance of family for 2013

As always this Christmas season my focus will be on special family time with my mother this season, taking lots of family photos and making family friendly memories to recall special times with our mom tomorrow at the family Christmas lunch.   Life is short enough without discounting the importance of being together as a family with the mother who readily loves us, forgives the faults and cherishes the moments of having all of her children together.

Fresh on my mind is that her memory will continue to fade so each moment is a treasure and the group family photos with her will recall the family times that she has always valued so much. My cousins would do anything to have one more minute with their mother, my precious Aunt Dude on the Buck side of my family plus Aunt Esther and Aunt Thelma on the VanMeter side.  Yes, we were all taught to appreciate the importance of family from our youth with our aunts being a second “Mom” and our cousins being more like siblings from another mother.

The definition of family and the significance for some may change over time as a matter of convenience, familial bias or trivial “eruptions” that are blown out of proportion or imagined  which hold little or no value to what is truly important in life: God’s love and the importance and significance He places on family.  

There will always be disruptions but there will not always be times to share with one’s mother so get out of your own mind and make it happen.  Please put aside what maybe foremost in your mind tied to your interpretation of the actions of others that mushrooms into such anger in your heart and feeds confusion in your mind.  This is a season of love and possibilities if only you will open your heart, eyes and ears to what is right in front of you and accept the fellowship extended by others.

Love and forgiveness have no limits and is expounded in the Bible numerous times as well as other secular media options which are inferior in nature but will hold some truths none the less.

Unforgotten Angels memorial 2013 December 9th and “ME”

I was invited to share my thoughts as a speaker (of sorts) to talk about my nephew and my son who left this world way too young, 20 and 27 years old respectively. This event is held annually on the second Sunday of December and is set aside to remember those we have lost to this world: our children, grandchildren, sibling, etc. 

While it was somewhat solemn and directly linked to the emotional hole in one’s heart that cannot be filled with anything or anyone else, each of us deals with that void differently, if at all. Personally, I was accustomed to hearing from my son on a regular basis and afterwards visited the gravesite regularly, sometimes daily. My visits are referred to as going to see him, not saying the word grave or cemetery.  

 This went on for many, many months until reading a book that was highly recommended and loaned to me be a much loved, respected, Godly man… my uncle.  The book is “A Grief Observed” by C. S. Lewis.  At the bottom of one page I read something that hit me hard and really did feel punched in the chest.  I will paraphrase here “visits to the grave keep them dead”.  I read it three or four times before the truth behind the words sunk into my head but more importantly my heart.  I knew then that my borderline obsessive visits to the “site” were robbing me of my joy in the life that he had shared with so many.

 Considering I was told that having children would bypass me, I had two sons born four years apart and for the youngest son, his extremely active life was shared with me for 27 years and five days.  My middle sister had difficulty in conceiving her first born son who was born in 1975 and was lost to us in 1994.

So after reading the book I chose “joy” to recall what was learned from them during the shortened life we had with them.  

 From my nephew Donnie and son Eric, I learned about:

·         Laughter - They did it easily, often and invited everyone around into their world immediately. Their teasing was playful, never harmful. 

·         Hugs - The hugs were huge with arms reaching all around you which made me feel so special and loved. Sometimes they would lift you from the ground, spin you around and park you somewhere else in the room and laughing the whole time.

·         Appreciation for Life – They took nothing for granted and wanted to experience all that God had made for their enjoyment.  They loved the outdoors and never saw a skyline that they did not enjoy.  Eric and I would send pictures from our cell phones of those that we may particularly enjoy.  My other son and I have the same practice.

·         Relationships – They each managed their relationships well, whether family or friends.  They also honored their commitments, however difficult.  They took responsibility for their actions.

From my Eric, I learned other things as well and do apply these “lessons” in my life at every occasion.

·         You can complement someone without lying to them.  I am reminded of the time that someone made an unkind remark about a young girl.  He said that every girl has something beautiful about them and one should tell them but don’t exaggerate it to the point that it becomes a lie, which is equally hurtful.

·         Every person has something good about them, focus on that and it actually makes it easier when you are hurt by that person who might have made it a practice to be ugly to just about everyone.

• There are those who constantly live in a house of drama but don't be part of someone else's drama.

·         Lies kill people. It’s like a cancer that eats you up from the inside.

·         When I am gone, it just means that I will see you later.  This statement came about when we were talking about the time when he father died and he looked at me and said that if he died before me that we would certainly see each other again in heaven.

There is a poem that I read recently that is especially fitting for this day.  This is the last paragraph from “In a Hundred Years’ Time” by Suzanne and Louise Kelman:

Live today and enjoy it.

Grasp every moment you can.

For Life is the eternal race-

No winners, it’s just that you ran.

 

They each ran their race and it was a good and memorable one.  At times at a sprint and sometimes at full speed but with a goal in mind to not just "do" their best but to "be" their best.

To be clear, I am not fooling myself about his faults.  He was no angel and by the time he got things right, he was taken from me. Some mistakes were repeated and one in particular may have contributed to his being no longer here.  

Was he perfect? No.

Was he forgiven? Yes and in Christ I know that I will see him when it is my turn to check out of here. 

For me as we shared our remembrances and hung our butterfly ornaments on the Christmas tree last night, it meant that I would say and did say “SEE YOU LATER ERIC”.