Anniversary of my 1st miracle

This is a recap, expansion and paraphrase of a letter that I wrote to my son Jason Sample four years ago for his 34^th birthday.  I started Facebook this year and here my thoughts are to be shared specifically for this year.

Tomorrow October 15^th  he is 38 years old and he continues to and always makes me smile with every phone conversation or visit in his home and also the few he can arrange to come here.  Distance, work and those pesky financial obligations do tend to complicate all matters. Add that to the many friends and cousins in the area and you can get my drift about the quantity of time that can be afforded the mother.  Please do not get the idea that I begrudge him that time because I do not. Some of his friends started frequenting my home in their teens as well and the cousin time warrants no discussion.            

Now I will share the other “mothering” details which will not be repeated next year. 

            After four years of being told that I would not have children without the adoption process which we had just begun, I go in for what is now called the well woman’s exam and image my surprise to discover my pregnancy. I thought that his words of congratulations meant that the recurring bladder infections were finally ended. I was so excited that I almost forgot to get dressed before trying to leave the office to share my joy with my husband and other family members.  (Just kidding about the part of getting dressed and I remain modest still at 63 years of age.)

Case in point, the first time movement could be felt during my pregnancy was at church on Mothers Days.  Now that is a Mother’s Day “present” worthy of remembrance and a prayer of Thanksgiving at the same time. The doctor thought that I might be having twins but instead it was a beautiful 9 lb. 11 oz. blue eyed blonde haired boy who stopped crying immediately when placed in my arms shortly after birth. I believe that it was heartbeat that he quickly recognized, hence the nickname "Love Bug".  (The Gordon’s Jewelers commercial at the time used what was called a “Love Bug” which lit from person to person and I had always loved those commercials.)

Jason was a most affectionate baby and young child who loved to love and had ready hugs for our family. Those teenage years and for a period of time afterwards those hugs were stolen from me by false belief that men did not hug or express love to their parents but they are back and every one of them makes me look forward to the next one. Real men do know how to express their feelings and are not ashamed to tell their mothers “I love you.”

  He also has a quiet accepting nature and slower measured movements that do tend to conceal strength of character and will that as his Mother I recognize and truly admire. When he is quiet, he is thinking.  When he is talking, he means every word.  He does not waste time saying what is not meant and he makes a decision when he has decided it is the right one to make. He and I do share the fault that we sometimes think things to death before making a decision. However, once we make up our mind, it is a done deal. 

            In calendar years he is considered a full grown man and his eyes are now green but for me he will always be the precious son that made my dreams of becoming a Mother a reality and I am most proud when I hear the best name or title that anyone could ever have which is ....... Mom. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

When you see someone adorned with a Purple Ribbon this month, there is real significance to which one should be aware: October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I have family and friends who have literally been “touched” by domestic violence.

Do not be fooled into thinking that this happens primarily outside of USA. Throughout the world 55% to 95% goes unreported to any governmental agency or women’s shelter and the statistics here alone are alarming.  Those abused return to the abuser numerous times before their successful/permanent escape by choice or chance. The cycle generally continues by those young boys who witnessed their parent’s domestic violence as they become the teenage boyfriend or husband or significant other (to use the 21^st century term). I am quite attached to this subject and have been involved with various shelters for about 20 years.  I am also the current President of WOMAN, Inc. which is a non-profit that creates permanent and transitional housing for victims of domestic violence. This organization is also working on a project to specifically include those exiting military service. Yes, our women in the military are also victims.

Please bear in mind these statistics that I have gathered over the years and public information available on numerous websites such as  http://domesticviolencestatistics.org *  and local women’s shelters. 

·         In the US, every nine (9) seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten

·         Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.  Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. *

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually,*

·         Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.*

·         Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.*

·         Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.*

There are other factors to consider. The mental and self-esteem issues follow these women into just every other aspect of their lives and any relationship:  level of child care (from lax to desperately controlling or protective), work attendance (if she is even allowed to leave the house), working outside the home opportunities, depression, suicide, etc.  Many of the abused may consider it their fault that an argument erupted tied to the newest abuse; they think that they deserve the abuse, or that it will not happen again since another lame apology is extended. Some women even think they are doing their children a favor by saying with the abuser and that cannot be further from the truth. 

I could go on and on. The movie “The Burning Bed” comes to mind. I have not seen the movie but it is based on a real case and she was desperately afraid for her life.  You may say “How bad does bad have to be before women realize that other viable options exist?” Another phrase comes to mind “one cannot see the forest for the trees”. These women really cannot see or deal with anything but the moment.  Please do not say “just leave him” since they do fear for their lives and the lives of their children. 

Listen, don’t dictate, be aware and absolutely be available with the number of a shelter when the time comes and pray that their time comes to be safely rescued.  Some of these can be rehabilitated and I am referring to both the abuser and abused but neither is a quick process and comes with a low success rate and no guarantees.

It is worth the effort.  Absolutely!!!

Be a Part of Something

To begin with October holds a date to remember that many will be able to celebrate with a holiday from their “paying” jobs (yes, I am retired).  This month as a whole reminds me that it is a group of individuals that have made a difference to this country and to our financial opportunities and accomplishments, again as a whole.

With October comes the anniversary of the discovery of our beloved America by Christopher Columbus on the morning of October 12, 1492. In 1937, President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed October 12 as Columbus Day. However, the second Monday in October became the official federal holiday in 1971 after lobbying from the National Columbus Day Committee during President Nixon’s administration.  Please notice that both of the dominant political parties are represented here.

This information is known by all of you but what became abundantly clear to me while reading about the history of this holiday is that it was accomplished through a “committee” working together toward a common goal. It may have been proclaimed and then later became a federal holiday as signed by two different Presidents of the United States but it was the organized efforts of a group (committee) that birthed it into becoming a reality. 

Even when only one name is attached to the recognition each had supporters, mentors, financiers, and some time of committee or teamwork attached to their respective acknowledgements.

It was committee work that arranged for Christopher Columbus’ journey, coordinated the ships that sailed here, created our Declaration of Independence, get people elected to public office, and it is the committees working together in conjunction with any effort that is going to make it work and to make a difference personally or professionally.

Make a difference, be heard, and make your minutes matter to create value … join something!!! 

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

A lot happens in the four decades covered in 12^th century England and the fateful trip to France.  For me, the story moved well and I became emotionally charged and at the same time challenged with the ruthlessness of those within the church who did anything for personal gain and I do mean anything: betrayal, murder, bloodshed, sanctioned violence, etc.  Yes, churches are a refuge but there were also some used as a political pawn and money-maker for whoever was really in charge.  The story includes storms, famines, multiple battles in pursuit/conquest of the royal throne, considerable ambition and yes, faith.

The brutality of the times cannot be ignored (facts are facts) and I admit to avoiding those details.  While I did not have a favorite character, each was memorable and the intrigue certainly kept the story moving for me all the way to the end.  I kept thinking about how much more can this prior take, how many times will such bad things continue to happen to the good guys,  will there ever be any justice, how do the rotten people continue to be allowed to prosper and literally get away with murder/ thievery/brutality??? HOWEVER, each one comes to their end (thankfully) and the truth about the hanging that starts the book comes to light and the king is flogged (kind of).

This book is not at all what I expected which is a good thing.  Secondly, please do not be daunted by the sheer number of pages.  There is actually more than one story, all entangled in the ultimate quest of building the largest, most unique cathedral, to do it first and best along with the many characters along the way that it took to reach that goal.  It is also a reminder that God has his own timetable when answering prayers, even for a church. 

Oddly enough, it actually took me less time to get to the end of the book than most with half the number of pages.  I normally include details about the various characters and there is many, each adding so much to the story that it would take too much space here but I encourage you to get to know them in this worthy historical novel.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it an “8”.  I cannot give it a higher score since my all-time favorite historical novel is still Pope Joan by Donna Woolfolk Polk which I continue to give a solid “10”.