Lost and Found

A great line in the movie and also a song in “Frozen”: Love is an open door. Many choose to close the door to love or are stingy with their love thereby limiting one's self of memory making moments.  Odd as this may seem, my temporary loss of a much loved “memory necklace” came to mind.  Please allow me to elaborate. 

Yesterday my to-do list covered a few miles with several stops along the way. When I finally got home, I noticed that my memory necklace was gone.  I was in a panic, depressed, tearful, and quite devastated at the loss. It was a gift from my son Jason that had my favorite picture of my youngest son Eric taken in July 2005. It was also my birthday present in September 2006, received shortly before the first anniversary of my son’s accident which took him from this life (my life) on September 16, 2005.

The only place that I had any hope of finding it was my car, my pathway to the house, and rooms I had been in before discovering my loss. My tears were no consolation and I could not stop them and yes, I prayed, however hopeless it seemed.

I sat down in my recliner feeling quite sorry for myself (silly waste of time for anyone), looked to my right to get my cup to make me some tea (my cure all) and what did I see --- my necklace, my much loved necklace, my everyday wear, my connection to memories.  It had either fallen off my neck, had never made it to my neck, or popped out of nowhere in an answer to prayer.  The “however” did not matter at that moment. I truly thanked God for my discovery.  I was at that moment flooded with memories of and with each of my sons. I felt flushed with the warmest feelings of love at the first sight of that necklace.

Memories and love are equally powerful and are tightly wrapped up in that necklace. I am a happy, happy, happy mother of sons who loved and continue to love me in my mind and in life. 

WE are our memories

I admire the power of the mind and how our thoughts can be put into action.  I have always been equally struck with our memories and the actions that they produce.  These thoughts were brought on tonight as I watched the movie “Frozen” and how the erasing of memories was used as a cure.  Thankfully this only worked for a time.

I count my memories as priceless. They have taught me to establish boundaries, strengths on which build, comfort when recalling those no longer here with us and keeping all kinds of love alive. 

Stop Blaming Your Genes

I was watching the game show called Wheel of Fortune and a contestant made the following statement “Genes are your history, not your destiny.”  I was only half way listening and believe that part of what she was talking about applied to nutrition.  To me that statement was true in a broader way. 

While some are legitimate so many things are unjustly being blamed on our genes.  In some instances it is used as an excuse to justify bad behavior and life style choices. 

For the most part, it is still and always will be about choices.  Choose wisely.  

Marriage of Equals

While posting to an earlier blog I was reminded of a line in Downton Abbey: money and position are less important than strength and passion. Those who know me well won’t be surprised that thoughts and definitions and meaning behind that phrase began spinning through my mind.

·         One’s position or title does not provide much comfort when you are alone.  A room full of your peers or in a preferred social setting does not necessarily compare with other things that truly enrich your life like family, fun with friends who knew you “way back when” and appreciate your time with them vs what you can provide for them.

·         Money can buy “things” that provide comfort on the outside while feeling extremely empty inside. Things are not important but people are.  One cannot place a price tag on a friendly smile, a compassionate hug, the flower or rock that your child or grandchild brings to you as a gift with the bright light of love beaming from their eyes.

·         Strength can include physical, emotional, spiritual, intelligence, wit and character.  One’s appearance and physical strength fade so I believe that the others are where the real value lies for the long term and bring much joy and satisfaction.  When my husband and I share a laugh, it is a priceless moment. Sharing the same religion and values is the greatest foundation that supports all aspects of a committed marriage relationship. 

·         Passion includes the obvious physical attraction and “activity”, but more so how one’s life is lived and loved, one’s commitment, and uncompromising values.

With all of these words to ponder, I feel the most important is to acknowledge and accept the balance required for a lasting, worthwhile, relationship of values and the truest love. Marriage is a balancing act of equals and in my option the equals are in strength and passion for a fulfilling life and a life lived well. 

Sisters and Friends

Just as blessings and what seems like curses come at times so do the tornadoes of emotions between sisters. Friends can provide support and voice of reason when there are family disruptions.  Our mind and heart does battle and there are no winners but plenty of scars.

Many of such thoughts came to mind while watching Downton Abbey and drama of words between two sisters, Edith and Mary.  Awful, hurtful, angry words were exchanged with Edith packing and leaving the family home. 

Mary who is historically cold, spiteful, and insensitive finally understands the damaging situation that she created and the ultimate hurt that she caused. She is hurting too, quite unhappy, and genuinely wants to apologize, which in itself is truly rare, but does not know how.

Edith, the timid, kinder sister who has experienced more sadness than any of the family, finally found her voice and stood up for herself against her sister for the first time. She also actually had the courage to leave.

It was actually Edith who made the successful effort at reconciliation plus she also had the best lines of this episode: “In the end you are my sister…  Our shared memories are more than our mutual dislike.”

That last part of her dialogue sums it up perfectly.  Shared memories are priceless and valued considerably more than the temporary dislikes or words or actions seen or experienced between family members.  At least it is for me. 

Two favored books "Jane Eyre" and "Behold Your Queen"

When asked by a much favored author DiAnn Mills, whose blog I follow, about any favorite books then I will gladly and genuinely respond. I must say that two books come to my mind immediately and are proudly owned.  Each is a story of an orphaned young girl who ultimately finds happiness but not on the route one would expect.  Each has a personal “of note” for me and one includes a spanking with my eighth grade history book.

The first is “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte.  This will always be a favorite and is as real for today as it was when published in 1847.  Jane was a girl and woman who persevered,  who did not have a glamorous life, did not compromise her values for love, and she did get the man that she loved however different  the path it took.   

·         Of note here is that while reading the book in my youth I did not hear by mother calling my name to do something and as a punishment was spanked with my history book and I was forced to return Jane Eyre before finished reading it which was the true punishment.  A few years ago I was reminded of that incident when my mother "unnecessarily" apologized for the incident.  It is true I did not hear her calling me but it was on a Saturday which was a regular chores day for us and I was to complete them prior to reading.  Shortly after that fondly remembered conversation I bought my own copy which can be read at any time, for as many times as desired, and now with another memory of my mother too.

The second book is my absolute favorite which is actually “the book” that sparked and fueled my desire for reading, “Behold Your Queen” by Gladys Malvern published in 1951.  I did not realize at the time that it was based on Esther in the Bible which is quite ignorant on my part even at 14 years of age.  Then and now I clearly recall my attachment to the story of an orphan girl who had to conceal her identity, wins a beauty contest,  wins the love of a king and saves her nation.  In the process she listened to her elders,  her mentors younger and older than herself, willingly learned what was necessary to give and receive love, and keep her faith and values without compromise.

·         On a personal note, I was in a bidding war on eBay to purchase an edition of this highly favored book.  I had lost in two previous attempts to acquire a copy but an answer to prayer prevailed and at the right price, I became an owner.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts on these two much loved books. Reading makes a difference and in the words of Mark Twain “If a man doesn’t read good books, he has no advantage of the one who can’t.”  Read, read, and then read some more.  

Trees in parking lots

I was watching a Hallmark movie and a line caught my attention and interest: “You look as confused as a pine tree in a parking lot.” A couple of memories come to mind, each a contradiction to nature and progress.

Trees are tied to our oxygen, shade, leisure and in number of other uses from construction to crafts.  Land is used up in the name of progress at the expense of some nature, particularly trees.  Some developers replace the trees lost in the process with other trees carefully grown by commercial growers.  If what was destroyed was carefully reused perhaps thoughts and opinions would be different.

On the way to work one morning I was passing a commercial concern of concrete, equipment, heavy trucks and a railroad line down the side of the property and in the middle of the “yard” was a tree with a deer standing in its shade.  The tree and deer was a beautiful sight, both of which were a contradiction to their immediate area.  Each had little chance of survival in those surroundings.  However, the business provided jobs and together they fueled economic growth.

My youngest sister worked for The Federal Reserve Bank when it was located downtown.  In the parking area was a huge, beautiful, majestic tree that had been there a 100 or so years plus a few benches and possibly a table. The employees enjoyed their lunch and shared time together many times over the years until additional parking space was needed.  There were many groups of people who tried to have that tree saved but ultimately the tree was sacrificed in the name of progress. Now even that older, beautiful historic building is no longer used but a huge, quite grand facility has been erected a few miles away which of course required even more land area.  

Where is the balance or the end? 

A Poem is a Choice

What a treat for me yesterday to watch three episodes in a row of Hallmark’s “Signed, Sealed and Delivered”.  With a hubby this is not the norm but there was no football and he gladly said “Watch what you want. It’s fine with me.”  Unless it is the news or football he rarely has an opinion and I generally prefer reading to most TV options.  Oh dear, I am digressing from the topic. 

The programming referenced had so many great lines that I could not do them justice on this blog.  That being said a casual remark in the show caught me quite at odds in my thoughts.  It was spoken in a cavalier way about the possible ending of her marriage. She asked her husband what he wanted and he said “Peace.... Ending a marriage shouldn’t be an easy thing to do.”  With a few additional words between them she responded “I think that I'll write a poem about this.”, or something similar.  

How does writing a poem solve or clarify anything?  At first my thought was how silly was that remark. Thankfully I had a second thought.  How is a poem different from my writing letters to myself, journaling or blogging? The answer is that there is no difference at all.  It is just another choice among many of expressing one’s self. 

For me my writing efforts are a form of expression, being direct and straight with myself. It allows me to process unclear thoughts, situations, make acknowledgements, voice an opinion, and make book reviews without interruption. My way works for me and many times includes prayer, sometimes lots of it. 

Write yourself a poem whether it rhymes or not, whatever the mood and whether you feel you have a reason or not.  It is your poem anyway and your choice of expression. It is not silly at all.  It is only silly to avoid your way of written expression. A word of advice: Be kind. 

Interviews and Ignorance

As a young girl and many years to follow I was quite shy and easily embarrassed.  Upon graduation the many job interviews were torture for me. All of those questions on the application and then the actual interview.  It would be hard to say which was worse.

While completing the applications I was so nervous to answer correctly that a few blonde moments come to mind.  For some reason when the question of being handicapped was on the application I wrote that I wore glasses.  How stupid is that??? No wonder the interviews were short or I received the comment “We will review the application and get back with you.” which of course did not happen. 

While going through the process of becoming a City of Houston employee it was required that I go the Houston Police Dept. for a photo, minimal background check and to answer a few more questions. I was sked about any moles that I might have and my response was “on my chest?” and said it in a squeaky and questioning voice.  He looked up, smiled, stamped the form and asked no more questions. However, I was offered a job and started to work the following week. 

I have been known to stay on jobs that I did not enjoy because of not having the nerve to resign hence another conversation could be avoided.  This changed when I became a single parent. 

Becoming a single parent made me realize that changes must be made if I was going to be able to support my two young sons.  I decided to face my fears of talking to those to whom I was not related or known all through school or church, driving Loop 610 until I stopped perspiring, riding a roller coaster until the terror passed (it only took twice thankfully) and leaving a secure but low paying job to take a chance on an opportunity not just for more money but professional growth which was my heart’s desire.  I felt successful for the first in my life on the emotional level and beyond.

This propelled me into a future that I could not have imagined, one full of happiness, fulfillment, security, and remarriage, another story all by itself.  All along the way it was God and some great mentors that kept me moving.  I am thankful.

Handicapped: No. 

My favorite quotes. Why?

The blog from favored author DiAnn Mills included some of her favorite quotes and why she favored them.  She asked that we share ours to her blog.  This really got me to thinking.  

While rearing my sons, I told them “Things aren’t important but people are. Be kind. ” People get so caught up in making a living, collecting things that they value (however temporary) that they forget to experience their life with memory making moments and sacrifice their family in the process.  Including kindness in one’s day adds such value to each life that experiences your smile, a kind word or deed, and lightens our hearts in the process. 

Being fond of Mark Twain, Oswald Chambers and C. S. Lewis it would be remiss of me not to include my favorites from them.
• “Men who don’t read good books have no advantage over the man who can’t.” by Mark Twain. Reading has expanded my awareness of other cultures, ideologies, history, motivational, self-help and of course biblical.
• “Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action.” by Oswald Chambers. My survival mode as a single included a huge sense of failure with my failed marriage.  This quote along with my mentors afforded forgiveness and propelled my career in a positive direction.  
• “Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.”  by C. S. Lewis.  This quote actually speaks for itself.  However it does speak to many a professional or political figure that chose or chooses to forsake their values, God given and God inspired beliefs for fame and fortune.  In the name of progress much has regressed. 

Each of these quotes has fed me at different points or parts of my life both personally and professionally. I have many other quotes that are favored but these speak to my essence and who I am. 

Having said that, they pale in comparison to one of my favorite, most supportive, encouraging verses in the Bible which is my ultimate guide book and book of instructions: Philippians 4:13 (KJV)  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.