Laughs and Love in Flowers

I can always count on the Hallmark Channel for entertainment that does not need to be filtered for the unmentionables, brain dead words, or objectionable body stripping that adds no value to stories for me. Tonight’s program “Hearts of Spring” included a great line that is perfectly in line with my love of flowers. It is actually a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The earth laughs in flowers.” Before tonight I had never heard this great quote.

In the instance of the program it provided direction to a young single mother who needed something beyond the supporting of her daughter.  It provided a career that allow her the time and work hours to rear her then young daughter. To me there was even more though nothing is more important to me than being a mom.

For me flowers spur thoughts, encouragement, comfort, even emotion that at times produces action.  I read a wonderful a book titled “The Language of Flowers” by Vanessa Diffenbaugh which opened a whole new world for me in the meaning behind flowers and how it affected the life of that young woman in the book as well. Believe me there are a lot of meanings and those meanings have changed over time.

I was particularly taken by the yellow roses in the program, the memory of that book and an especially fond memory of my own.  As a new single parent back in 1983 I had no plans to date and especially not have a relationship  that might turn into the direction of marriage.  The journey to where I am now included expanding my circle of friends and acting on my fears to either lessen them or eliminate them.  My friends in my church Sunday School class were the best which of course included the male species.  There was a particular man whose feelings towards marriage tended to mirror my own so we considered each other “safe” to be around more than on Sundays. On the first anniversary of my divorce I decided to send someone flowers to commemorate this new courage that I was experiencing.  Yes, I sent yellow roses to my safe male friend and made sure he understood that it was to celebrate this new phase in my life with my sons and nothing more. Fast forward.  I am now married to that guy and have been for over 20+ plus.  Thinking back, it started with an article read about the meaning behind each color of roses.  

Yes, for me the earth does laugh in flowers and I do laugh often.  

Choices and Change

I was watching an enjoyable program called “Signed Sealed & Delivered” and heard a couple of lines that produced some thought:  1. Begin by doing the thing that scares you the most., 2.  He’s her sliver of light. Both of these brought one word to my mind immediately, Change.

Sometimes, in fact most of the time for me, change does begin with fear, fear of the unknown and unfamiliar.  The journey will not be like the preferred straight line but the things that can be learned along the way will just add to the journey.  Some specific examples come to mind that I would like to share.

As a long ago single parent I was afraid of just about everything which included freeways, roller coasters, long distance driving and freely talking with anyone that I had known for many years.  However, with two young sons I was determined that they learn new experiences that could be fun which of course included overcoming my fears in a few areas.

·         Roller coaster rides with my sons and my mother - She was screaming with her mouth closed so that her false teeth would not fall out.  My sons were laughing so hard at my mother that we all forgot about our fear. 

·         Chasing my youngest son Eric around the Swing Ride at Six Flags in Dallas - My mother was on one side, I was on the opposite side and my oldest son Jason was running interference as we each tried to catch Eric and “place” him on the ride.  At the conclusion of the ride, Eric wanted to get back in line to ride it again. We did.

·         Rafting in New Braunfels – Neither my mother nor I could swim. Her boss along with others said that we could not, should not even try, it was dangerous and that “women” could not do it without a man along to help us.  Twice the raft almost tipped over as we got in, lost the oars twice but managed to get them back in the raft, drowned my keys and my car would not start when we were ready to leave, but survived it all with huge belly laughs throughout that day and we had matching sunburns. We rafted together three more times in future years. 

·         Driving the 610 loop  and freeways in general – On a Saturday and with a full tank of gas, I left to make a day of driving for hours on the loop, Hwy 59 and I-45 until I felt calm.  

·         Long distance driving – I drove to visit family in Arkansas and to Indiana to visit with family as well starting after the one year anniversary of my divorce. 

My youngest son who became a roughneck in the oilfield shared and embellished our stories many times over the years. My oldest son may still have a discomfort of heights but at 40 years of age decided to marry and is now the father of a 14 month old son of his own. 

I have mentioned my mother in these memories.  She was single as well and we shared expenses to have fun making memories together for the four of us. My youngest son passed in 2005 at the age of 27 and my mom passed in 2014. My memories are a blanket of comfort.

The second line about being a sliver of light comes to mind every time I see my grandson or peruse the many pictures enjoyed between visits coupled with my son Jason’s smile. 

Closing thoughts brought on by the name of the program. Sign but do not seal your heart from possibilities plus what change(s) can and does/do bring.  Deliver love in words, actions and kind communications. 

Intimacy. Hmmm

From my today’s devotional content about love is an interesting line: "Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy." Yes, I have my own opinion and comments added below. 

Intimacy is so much more than the first word or thought that might come to mind.  Real intimacy is defined differently and I must agree to these descriptive words: togetherness, rapport, friendliness, attachment, affection and confidence.  Add to that it is tightly woven together with trust in every sense of that word “trust”. The closer one’s relationship, the greater the trust factor hence the greatest type of intimacy and level of intimacy. 

I am also reminded of what I learned from my youngest son.  He often said that secrets kill people, like a cancer that kills from the inside.  This is true, so true. 

The physical side of intimacy, however wonderful it is, can and will change over the course of time. Real intimacy such as described earlier is forever lasting, for everlasting, and is really who you are which does not change vs what we do which will change, like it or not.  

Get real.  

Lost and Found

A great line in the movie and also a song in “Frozen”: Love is an open door. Many choose to close the door to love or are stingy with their love thereby limiting one's self of memory making moments.  Odd as this may seem, my temporary loss of a much loved “memory necklace” came to mind.  Please allow me to elaborate. 

Yesterday my to-do list covered a few miles with several stops along the way. When I finally got home, I noticed that my memory necklace was gone.  I was in a panic, depressed, tearful, and quite devastated at the loss. It was a gift from my son Jason that had my favorite picture of my youngest son Eric taken in July 2005. It was also my birthday present in September 2006, received shortly before the first anniversary of my son’s accident which took him from this life (my life) on September 16, 2005.

The only place that I had any hope of finding it was my car, my pathway to the house, and rooms I had been in before discovering my loss. My tears were no consolation and I could not stop them and yes, I prayed, however hopeless it seemed.

I sat down in my recliner feeling quite sorry for myself (silly waste of time for anyone), looked to my right to get my cup to make me some tea (my cure all) and what did I see --- my necklace, my much loved necklace, my everyday wear, my connection to memories.  It had either fallen off my neck, had never made it to my neck, or popped out of nowhere in an answer to prayer.  The “however” did not matter at that moment. I truly thanked God for my discovery.  I was at that moment flooded with memories of and with each of my sons. I felt flushed with the warmest feelings of love at the first sight of that necklace.

Memories and love are equally powerful and are tightly wrapped up in that necklace. I am a happy, happy, happy mother of sons who loved and continue to love me in my mind and in life. 

WE are our memories

I admire the power of the mind and how our thoughts can be put into action.  I have always been equally struck with our memories and the actions that they produce.  These thoughts were brought on tonight as I watched the movie “Frozen” and how the erasing of memories was used as a cure.  Thankfully this only worked for a time.

I count my memories as priceless. They have taught me to establish boundaries, strengths on which build, comfort when recalling those no longer here with us and keeping all kinds of love alive. 

Stop Blaming Your Genes

I was watching the game show called Wheel of Fortune and a contestant made the following statement “Genes are your history, not your destiny.”  I was only half way listening and believe that part of what she was talking about applied to nutrition.  To me that statement was true in a broader way. 

While some are legitimate so many things are unjustly being blamed on our genes.  In some instances it is used as an excuse to justify bad behavior and life style choices. 

For the most part, it is still and always will be about choices.  Choose wisely.  

Marriage of Equals

While posting to an earlier blog I was reminded of a line in Downton Abbey: money and position are less important than strength and passion. Those who know me well won’t be surprised that thoughts and definitions and meaning behind that phrase began spinning through my mind.

·         One’s position or title does not provide much comfort when you are alone.  A room full of your peers or in a preferred social setting does not necessarily compare with other things that truly enrich your life like family, fun with friends who knew you “way back when” and appreciate your time with them vs what you can provide for them.

·         Money can buy “things” that provide comfort on the outside while feeling extremely empty inside. Things are not important but people are.  One cannot place a price tag on a friendly smile, a compassionate hug, the flower or rock that your child or grandchild brings to you as a gift with the bright light of love beaming from their eyes.

·         Strength can include physical, emotional, spiritual, intelligence, wit and character.  One’s appearance and physical strength fade so I believe that the others are where the real value lies for the long term and bring much joy and satisfaction.  When my husband and I share a laugh, it is a priceless moment. Sharing the same religion and values is the greatest foundation that supports all aspects of a committed marriage relationship. 

·         Passion includes the obvious physical attraction and “activity”, but more so how one’s life is lived and loved, one’s commitment, and uncompromising values.

With all of these words to ponder, I feel the most important is to acknowledge and accept the balance required for a lasting, worthwhile, relationship of values and the truest love. Marriage is a balancing act of equals and in my option the equals are in strength and passion for a fulfilling life and a life lived well. 

Sisters and Friends

Just as blessings and what seems like curses come at times so do the tornadoes of emotions between sisters. Friends can provide support and voice of reason when there are family disruptions.  Our mind and heart does battle and there are no winners but plenty of scars.

Many of such thoughts came to mind while watching Downton Abbey and drama of words between two sisters, Edith and Mary.  Awful, hurtful, angry words were exchanged with Edith packing and leaving the family home. 

Mary who is historically cold, spiteful, and insensitive finally understands the damaging situation that she created and the ultimate hurt that she caused. She is hurting too, quite unhappy, and genuinely wants to apologize, which in itself is truly rare, but does not know how.

Edith, the timid, kinder sister who has experienced more sadness than any of the family, finally found her voice and stood up for herself against her sister for the first time. She also actually had the courage to leave.

It was actually Edith who made the successful effort at reconciliation plus she also had the best lines of this episode: “In the end you are my sister…  Our shared memories are more than our mutual dislike.”

That last part of her dialogue sums it up perfectly.  Shared memories are priceless and valued considerably more than the temporary dislikes or words or actions seen or experienced between family members.  At least it is for me. 

Two favored books "Jane Eyre" and "Behold Your Queen"

When asked by a much favored author DiAnn Mills, whose blog I follow, about any favorite books then I will gladly and genuinely respond. I must say that two books come to my mind immediately and are proudly owned.  Each is a story of an orphaned young girl who ultimately finds happiness but not on the route one would expect.  Each has a personal “of note” for me and one includes a spanking with my eighth grade history book.

The first is “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte.  This will always be a favorite and is as real for today as it was when published in 1847.  Jane was a girl and woman who persevered,  who did not have a glamorous life, did not compromise her values for love, and she did get the man that she loved however different  the path it took.   

·         Of note here is that while reading the book in my youth I did not hear by mother calling my name to do something and as a punishment was spanked with my history book and I was forced to return Jane Eyre before finished reading it which was the true punishment.  A few years ago I was reminded of that incident when my mother "unnecessarily" apologized for the incident.  It is true I did not hear her calling me but it was on a Saturday which was a regular chores day for us and I was to complete them prior to reading.  Shortly after that fondly remembered conversation I bought my own copy which can be read at any time, for as many times as desired, and now with another memory of my mother too.

The second book is my absolute favorite which is actually “the book” that sparked and fueled my desire for reading, “Behold Your Queen” by Gladys Malvern published in 1951.  I did not realize at the time that it was based on Esther in the Bible which is quite ignorant on my part even at 14 years of age.  Then and now I clearly recall my attachment to the story of an orphan girl who had to conceal her identity, wins a beauty contest,  wins the love of a king and saves her nation.  In the process she listened to her elders,  her mentors younger and older than herself, willingly learned what was necessary to give and receive love, and keep her faith and values without compromise.

·         On a personal note, I was in a bidding war on eBay to purchase an edition of this highly favored book.  I had lost in two previous attempts to acquire a copy but an answer to prayer prevailed and at the right price, I became an owner.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts on these two much loved books. Reading makes a difference and in the words of Mark Twain “If a man doesn’t read good books, he has no advantage of the one who can’t.”  Read, read, and then read some more.  

Trees in parking lots

I was watching a Hallmark movie and a line caught my attention and interest: “You look as confused as a pine tree in a parking lot.” A couple of memories come to mind, each a contradiction to nature and progress.

Trees are tied to our oxygen, shade, leisure and in number of other uses from construction to crafts.  Land is used up in the name of progress at the expense of some nature, particularly trees.  Some developers replace the trees lost in the process with other trees carefully grown by commercial growers.  If what was destroyed was carefully reused perhaps thoughts and opinions would be different.

On the way to work one morning I was passing a commercial concern of concrete, equipment, heavy trucks and a railroad line down the side of the property and in the middle of the “yard” was a tree with a deer standing in its shade.  The tree and deer was a beautiful sight, both of which were a contradiction to their immediate area.  Each had little chance of survival in those surroundings.  However, the business provided jobs and together they fueled economic growth.

My youngest sister worked for The Federal Reserve Bank when it was located downtown.  In the parking area was a huge, beautiful, majestic tree that had been there a 100 or so years plus a few benches and possibly a table. The employees enjoyed their lunch and shared time together many times over the years until additional parking space was needed.  There were many groups of people who tried to have that tree saved but ultimately the tree was sacrificed in the name of progress. Now even that older, beautiful historic building is no longer used but a huge, quite grand facility has been erected a few miles away which of course required even more land area.  

Where is the balance or the end?