Dear Abby

People, young and old alike, lost someone precious today: the original Dear Abby. She had millions of followers and there may be some who may not realize that she took to task the shoddy advice column of the San Francisco Chronicle back in 1956.  This stay at home mom took ownership of the concerns expressed in the letters to that newspaper and how fortunate we are that the paper recognized her talents which resulted in the column that we know today.

Most of my dearest friends grew up reading Dear Abby and it may have been one of the first articles we read when opening our newspaper. Her twin sister we grew to love as Ann Landers.  Each used pseudonyms but in every other way they were the real deal in my opinion.

As a young woman and even today the articles are relevant and impart both common sense wisdom and words to the wise.  I realize that the “Abby” of long ago has morphed onto someone else and I am glad that current media has not chosen to forego the column.   I will enjoy it while it lasts.

By the way, “my” Dear Abby is conveniently located in the Houston Chronicle Star section which also includes the Jumble, Daily Crossword and Hints from Heloise which are also some of my personal favorites.  Even though retired, I like to keep my mind working on SOMETHING.  Life is good and may God bless the memory and be with the family of our beloved Dear Abby who in real life is known as Pauline Phillips.

Fresh Start and New Beginnings

January always brings to mind fresh starts and opportunities, new beginnings and moving past the disappointments from the previous year and attempting, where possible, to correct the whatever and lastly, but more importantly, to acknowledge or thank someone for something every single day.

When reviewing the news from last year, it served as a reminder of those who can no longer share their life with us in the present.  However, we can share in the joy of their accomplishments and what they have contributed to our lives in the form of family, food, fashion, fun, or being female. 

On a personal note, I was told by a beloved family member and much later actually read the same thing that the way you start the beginning of your year is the way you will spend the rest of that year. Hence, I begin my new year with family and friends and have for nearly 30-years.  My New Year’s Eve and the previous two days are spent feeding one of my passions … cooking.  On New Years Day I serve the same menu and make many, many pies to use as gifts. (This year I made 36 pies.)  As family and friends arrive, I request that each child followed by each family select a pie as my gift to them for deciding to begin their year with me, in my home. Any remaining pies will accompany our shared meal as the “grazing” period begins sometime around 1 p.m. Before retirement I rented a moonwalk which was setup in the backyard with easy viewing from a kitchen window and the back patio. One of the men might bring horse shoes or washers to setup near the moomwalk.  Yes, I choose to spend my New Years Day with people that I love, admire, and absolutely enjoy/relish/covet their company. 

How we spend our time and who we spend it with is a choice that I readily make each day and count each person as an added benefit/gift to my life.  We encounter enough that we cannot control both personally and professionally.  I freely admit to loving life and value each part of my life from the gene pool to zip codes. 

This is a new year, so enjoy your life, make an appointment with yourself to have fun, and exercise wisdom to make choices that create value to your life and the lives that you impact or encounter each day in 2013.  Share yourself.

To Remember in December

The fall season and early days of winter have always been my favorite time of year.  The wind carries the sounds of change away from those hot South Texas summer days and muggy evenings into the season of laughter, merriment and sincere appreciation of the Christmas season that I will share with family and special friends.

Did you know that Christmas Day has been celebrated on December 25^th by the Western (Roman Catholic) Church since 336 A.D.? Did you know that the exchanging of gifts and decorating trees are tied to winter traditions and various celebrations and festivals dating back over 4000 years? Did you know that the 12 Days of Christmas may tie back to a 12-day festival celebrated by the Mesopotamians and that hanging of garland dates back to the Ancient Romans in their celebration each year in honor of their god Saturn?

Our Jewish friends celebrate Hanukkah and Kwanzaa honors the heritage of African-Americans. December can be both a memorable and memory making month for all of us.

Yes, I have been reading again and am of the opinion that though our religious beliefs, values and traditions may greatly vary that at our core (our center) we are one and united in our right, our privilege, and freedom to believe differently.

During this most blessed time of year, share yourself in time or charitable gifts for the benefit of others, many of whom are unemployed for the first time.  Send some handwritten notes to those who have added value to your life now or in times past and to our soldiers. Help a local food bank. Everyday there are missed opportunities to say thank you: someone at work, someone assisted you during a shopping trek, your hair dresser, at your nail salon, your church, and the list goes on and on.  Open your eyes, minds and hearts as windows into the life of another. 

This holiday season is celebrated in so many ways that it is no wonder to me that smiles alight most faces and the spirit of giving abounds.

Best wishes to all of you this Christmas season.

My personal take on “It’s a Wonderful Life”

Tonight I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" which is a wonderful reminder of the people in our lives that make our life worth living.   The movie causes much reflection plus George Bailey is a banker as was I for so many, many years.

Life is not about what you do not have or can no longer do but about what you do with God's gifts which come in many forms, many of which you may not realize as gifts.

As I said, in the movie George Bailey is a banker which is a reminder of my banking career.  It afforded me the opportunity to work “with” people in an industry that for many years was held in high regard. These people were customers, non-customers and co-workers.  The industry may have changed over the course of my 34 years in banking but my appreciation for “people” in various stages of one’s personal or professional career has not wavered.  The gifts for me during my 34 years in banking were the people and related conversations which must number in the 1000s.

Yes, I look at my career in banking as a gift but perhaps not in the way that comes to mind. The income that grew over time afforded wonderful vacations, a great wardrobe which includes 100+ pairs of shoes (most of which I am selling or donating to the non-profit Dress For Success) and a nice home.  Yes these are secular but don’t give up on me yet.  The gift part here is that my husband and I have no debt, in part because of my day job as a banker. 

God granted me the knowledge and wherewithal to become a banker, the tenacity to stay in an industry that survived the 1980s and to reach a point that leaving the industry was the best decision for me and opened an opportunity for someone with the goals and energy of my younger self. 

My family is also a gift, some through the nature of my birth and some through choice such as my husband which resulted in my being included in his huge clan, not a loser in the bunch. 

My freedom here in the USA which includes freedom of religion is a given.  Both have received time in previous blogs AND it still holds true, hence the mention.

Getting back to the movie calls to mind the inscription made by Clarence, the lovable, capable angel in the story in the book that he had, “Tom Sawyer”, which  reads “No man is a failure if he has friends.”  I must agree and must add family to the mix. It was after all the loving wife Mary who contacted the friends that come to the “financial” rescue of her husband, George the banker.

By the way, there are a lot of bad bankers like Old Man Potter in the story which is an understatement.  Just watch the news. However, there are still come good bankers around and I will gladly make that referral.  I also gladly share what I have learned over my working career as a Business Banker.  Just give me a call, send me an email, or post your question to my Facebook page.

I will stay tuned for you…………

IN FLANDERS FIELD BY JOHN MCCRAE

A surgeon and military officer serving for Canada was so moved and haunted by his experience that he handwrote this poem on a simple notepad during a period when he was expected “to rest”. He endured and his team accomplished more than thought humanly possible.  It was through his anguish of losing a friend who was also a former student and by needs presiding over the makeshift funeral/burial that these memorable words fell from his heart, through his fingers to a piece of paper that we have this poem that has been learned/memorized by students and citizens alike.  

To think that the view of poppies growing in ditches of Europe that had experienced so much bloodshed pricked his heart is such a way.

To think that he was so affected by 17 days of service that a poem was handwritten, disregarded and discarded, collected by someone equally touched as well as persistent enough to garner  an approval for publication even after being rejected by a newspaper before finally being presented to publishing media that “did have the intelligence” to recognize the significance of these written words.

How appropriate today that my special Canadian friend Dolores Morse posted this for all to enjoy which gives me the opportunity to share “the rest of the story” with each of you.  Here is that much loved poem.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

November remembrances and sacrifices

As an American woman I value every freedom my citizenship affords me and maintain a respect for political leaders, however vehemently I may oppose the philosophy and ideas of many currently in office and most that were re-elected, much to my chagrin.  The fact that I can speak freely or put my thoughts to print is directly tied to the successes and sacrifices made by the several million who have served or are currently serving in our military.

In fact, my opinion is not so different from the women behind and in support of our founding fathers.  In the book Founding Mothers by Cokie Roberts there were some memorable moments shared in the book .  In her “Toast to America and her Friends” written by Sarah Livingston Jay, wife of John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the United States she lists 13 “toasts” and here are the ones that speak to me and their respective number from that list: “… (4) General Washington and the American Army, ... (7) The Memory of the Patriots who have fallen for their Country-May kindness be shown to their Widows and Children, …(9) Gratitude to our Friends and Moderation to our Enemies, ...(10) May all our Citizens be Soldiers, and all of our Soldiers Citizens, …(12) May our Country be always prepared for War, but disposed to Peace, and (13) Liberty and Happiness to all Mankind.”  This was written over 200-years ago but it still applies today.

Today is November 11^th Veterans Day. Never fail to acknowledge the significance of the date which honors our military veterans in this United States of America. Especially important is the fact that it celebrates the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended WWI at the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month of 1918.

Today in 1921 was the dedication of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery. The bodies of three “unknown” American soldiers killed on foreign soil are buried here: one killed in France in WWI, one from WWII and one from Korea. The remains from one interred in 1984 from the Vietnam War was eventually identified and removed. With the advances in DNA, etc. it was decided by the Pentagon in 1999 there would be no new remains placed in the memorial. 

          Yes, this day calls for remembrances and of the sacrifices it took to get us here in our time and place in history.  My uncles faithfully served in WWII and Korea, my best friend was a Marine in Vietnam, many of my fellow high school classmates also served in Vietnam (one was a POW for many years), my wonderful brother Leon served 20 years in our US Army, my sister Rebecca’s husband served in our US Air Force, my sister Julia’s husband spent ten (10) years in our US Army, my ex-husband who is the father of my sons served in our US Navy and my cousin Earl served 20 years in the National Guard.  These branches of the military are proudly represented in my family. 

I am equally proud of the service by others in their commitment to our freedom and to the opportunity for the freedoms they fostered for the innocents in other countries as well. 

If you have thanked or revered a veteran today GOD BLESS YOU, more importantly GOD BLESS THE USA.

2012 Election calls for special prayer for my beloved USA

Please pray that God will send someone to witness to Obama and soften his heart to seek God in making decisions for our country, for the sanctity of life and marriage as proclaimed by God and to support Israel.  Make no mistake; God is still in charge, regardless of and in spite of who is President.  

When one truly believes it must be professed, not just possessed as a secret, and ones actions are in line accordingly and not politically motivated.

I did not support Obama in 2008 and certainly not in 2012.  I cannot support someone so against my Christian values, does not offer support to Israel “publicly” and not just during a President debate when cornered into answering, someone who does not provide for a strong military and the respective military intelligence, and someone who may not stop increasing our debt thereby making us hostage to a foreign power, repeal the socialist medicine known as “Obamacare”, immigration reform (not amnesty), AND ON AND ON.

Hopefully, he will do as he said in the acceptance speech and reach out to Romney to see how they can work together on some issues and reach across party lines in a cooperative effort.  I do not see integrity is this guy.  He may be a good father and provider for his family but has been a lousy President of the United States of America IN MY HUMBLE, CHRISTIAN, and REPUBLICAN OPINION.

May God Bless our United States of America!

Anniversary of my 1st miracle

This is a recap, expansion and paraphrase of a letter that I wrote to my son Jason Sample four years ago for his 34^th birthday.  I started Facebook this year and here my thoughts are to be shared specifically for this year.

Tomorrow October 15^th  he is 38 years old and he continues to and always makes me smile with every phone conversation or visit in his home and also the few he can arrange to come here.  Distance, work and those pesky financial obligations do tend to complicate all matters. Add that to the many friends and cousins in the area and you can get my drift about the quantity of time that can be afforded the mother.  Please do not get the idea that I begrudge him that time because I do not. Some of his friends started frequenting my home in their teens as well and the cousin time warrants no discussion.            

Now I will share the other “mothering” details which will not be repeated next year. 

            After four years of being told that I would not have children without the adoption process which we had just begun, I go in for what is now called the well woman’s exam and image my surprise to discover my pregnancy. I thought that his words of congratulations meant that the recurring bladder infections were finally ended. I was so excited that I almost forgot to get dressed before trying to leave the office to share my joy with my husband and other family members.  (Just kidding about the part of getting dressed and I remain modest still at 63 years of age.)

Case in point, the first time movement could be felt during my pregnancy was at church on Mothers Days.  Now that is a Mother’s Day “present” worthy of remembrance and a prayer of Thanksgiving at the same time. The doctor thought that I might be having twins but instead it was a beautiful 9 lb. 11 oz. blue eyed blonde haired boy who stopped crying immediately when placed in my arms shortly after birth. I believe that it was heartbeat that he quickly recognized, hence the nickname "Love Bug".  (The Gordon’s Jewelers commercial at the time used what was called a “Love Bug” which lit from person to person and I had always loved those commercials.)

Jason was a most affectionate baby and young child who loved to love and had ready hugs for our family. Those teenage years and for a period of time afterwards those hugs were stolen from me by false belief that men did not hug or express love to their parents but they are back and every one of them makes me look forward to the next one. Real men do know how to express their feelings and are not ashamed to tell their mothers “I love you.”

  He also has a quiet accepting nature and slower measured movements that do tend to conceal strength of character and will that as his Mother I recognize and truly admire. When he is quiet, he is thinking.  When he is talking, he means every word.  He does not waste time saying what is not meant and he makes a decision when he has decided it is the right one to make. He and I do share the fault that we sometimes think things to death before making a decision. However, once we make up our mind, it is a done deal. 

            In calendar years he is considered a full grown man and his eyes are now green but for me he will always be the precious son that made my dreams of becoming a Mother a reality and I am most proud when I hear the best name or title that anyone could ever have which is ....... Mom. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

When you see someone adorned with a Purple Ribbon this month, there is real significance to which one should be aware: October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I have family and friends who have literally been “touched” by domestic violence.

Do not be fooled into thinking that this happens primarily outside of USA. Throughout the world 55% to 95% goes unreported to any governmental agency or women’s shelter and the statistics here alone are alarming.  Those abused return to the abuser numerous times before their successful/permanent escape by choice or chance. The cycle generally continues by those young boys who witnessed their parent’s domestic violence as they become the teenage boyfriend or husband or significant other (to use the 21^st century term). I am quite attached to this subject and have been involved with various shelters for about 20 years.  I am also the current President of WOMAN, Inc. which is a non-profit that creates permanent and transitional housing for victims of domestic violence. This organization is also working on a project to specifically include those exiting military service. Yes, our women in the military are also victims.

Please bear in mind these statistics that I have gathered over the years and public information available on numerous websites such as  http://domesticviolencestatistics.org *  and local women’s shelters. 

·         In the US, every nine (9) seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten

·         Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.  Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. *

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually,*

·         Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.*

·         Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.*

·         Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.*

There are other factors to consider. The mental and self-esteem issues follow these women into just every other aspect of their lives and any relationship:  level of child care (from lax to desperately controlling or protective), work attendance (if she is even allowed to leave the house), working outside the home opportunities, depression, suicide, etc.  Many of the abused may consider it their fault that an argument erupted tied to the newest abuse; they think that they deserve the abuse, or that it will not happen again since another lame apology is extended. Some women even think they are doing their children a favor by saying with the abuser and that cannot be further from the truth. 

I could go on and on. The movie “The Burning Bed” comes to mind. I have not seen the movie but it is based on a real case and she was desperately afraid for her life.  You may say “How bad does bad have to be before women realize that other viable options exist?” Another phrase comes to mind “one cannot see the forest for the trees”. These women really cannot see or deal with anything but the moment.  Please do not say “just leave him” since they do fear for their lives and the lives of their children. 

Listen, don’t dictate, be aware and absolutely be available with the number of a shelter when the time comes and pray that their time comes to be safely rescued.  Some of these can be rehabilitated and I am referring to both the abuser and abused but neither is a quick process and comes with a low success rate and no guarantees.

It is worth the effort.  Absolutely!!!

Be a Part of Something

To begin with October holds a date to remember that many will be able to celebrate with a holiday from their “paying” jobs (yes, I am retired).  This month as a whole reminds me that it is a group of individuals that have made a difference to this country and to our financial opportunities and accomplishments, again as a whole.

With October comes the anniversary of the discovery of our beloved America by Christopher Columbus on the morning of October 12, 1492. In 1937, President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed October 12 as Columbus Day. However, the second Monday in October became the official federal holiday in 1971 after lobbying from the National Columbus Day Committee during President Nixon’s administration.  Please notice that both of the dominant political parties are represented here.

This information is known by all of you but what became abundantly clear to me while reading about the history of this holiday is that it was accomplished through a “committee” working together toward a common goal. It may have been proclaimed and then later became a federal holiday as signed by two different Presidents of the United States but it was the organized efforts of a group (committee) that birthed it into becoming a reality. 

Even when only one name is attached to the recognition each had supporters, mentors, financiers, and some time of committee or teamwork attached to their respective acknowledgements.

It was committee work that arranged for Christopher Columbus’ journey, coordinated the ships that sailed here, created our Declaration of Independence, get people elected to public office, and it is the committees working together in conjunction with any effort that is going to make it work and to make a difference personally or professionally.

Make a difference, be heard, and make your minutes matter to create value … join something!!!