October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

When you see someone adorned with a Purple Ribbon this month, there is real significance to which one should be aware: October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I have family and friends who have literally been “touched” by domestic violence.

Do not be fooled into thinking that this happens primarily outside of USA. Throughout the world 55% to 95% goes unreported to any governmental agency or women’s shelter and the statistics here alone are alarming.  Those abused return to the abuser numerous times before their successful/permanent escape by choice or chance. The cycle generally continues by those young boys who witnessed their parent’s domestic violence as they become the teenage boyfriend or husband or significant other (to use the 21^st century term). I am quite attached to this subject and have been involved with various shelters for about 20 years.  I am also the current President of WOMAN, Inc. which is a non-profit that creates permanent and transitional housing for victims of domestic violence. This organization is also working on a project to specifically include those exiting military service. Yes, our women in the military are also victims.

Please bear in mind these statistics that I have gathered over the years and public information available on numerous websites such as  http://domesticviolencestatistics.org *  and local women’s shelters. 

·         In the US, every nine (9) seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten

·         Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.  Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. *

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually,*

·         Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

·         Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.*

·         Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.*

·         Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.*

There are other factors to consider. The mental and self-esteem issues follow these women into just every other aspect of their lives and any relationship:  level of child care (from lax to desperately controlling or protective), work attendance (if she is even allowed to leave the house), working outside the home opportunities, depression, suicide, etc.  Many of the abused may consider it their fault that an argument erupted tied to the newest abuse; they think that they deserve the abuse, or that it will not happen again since another lame apology is extended. Some women even think they are doing their children a favor by saying with the abuser and that cannot be further from the truth. 

I could go on and on. The movie “The Burning Bed” comes to mind. I have not seen the movie but it is based on a real case and she was desperately afraid for her life.  You may say “How bad does bad have to be before women realize that other viable options exist?” Another phrase comes to mind “one cannot see the forest for the trees”. These women really cannot see or deal with anything but the moment.  Please do not say “just leave him” since they do fear for their lives and the lives of their children. 

Listen, don’t dictate, be aware and absolutely be available with the number of a shelter when the time comes and pray that their time comes to be safely rescued.  Some of these can be rehabilitated and I am referring to both the abuser and abused but neither is a quick process and comes with a low success rate and no guarantees.

It is worth the effort.  Absolutely!!!

Be a Part of Something

To begin with October holds a date to remember that many will be able to celebrate with a holiday from their “paying” jobs (yes, I am retired).  This month as a whole reminds me that it is a group of individuals that have made a difference to this country and to our financial opportunities and accomplishments, again as a whole.

With October comes the anniversary of the discovery of our beloved America by Christopher Columbus on the morning of October 12, 1492. In 1937, President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed October 12 as Columbus Day. However, the second Monday in October became the official federal holiday in 1971 after lobbying from the National Columbus Day Committee during President Nixon’s administration.  Please notice that both of the dominant political parties are represented here.

This information is known by all of you but what became abundantly clear to me while reading about the history of this holiday is that it was accomplished through a “committee” working together toward a common goal. It may have been proclaimed and then later became a federal holiday as signed by two different Presidents of the United States but it was the organized efforts of a group (committee) that birthed it into becoming a reality. 

Even when only one name is attached to the recognition each had supporters, mentors, financiers, and some time of committee or teamwork attached to their respective acknowledgements.

It was committee work that arranged for Christopher Columbus’ journey, coordinated the ships that sailed here, created our Declaration of Independence, get people elected to public office, and it is the committees working together in conjunction with any effort that is going to make it work and to make a difference personally or professionally.

Make a difference, be heard, and make your minutes matter to create value … join something!!! 

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

A lot happens in the four decades covered in 12^th century England and the fateful trip to France.  For me, the story moved well and I became emotionally charged and at the same time challenged with the ruthlessness of those within the church who did anything for personal gain and I do mean anything: betrayal, murder, bloodshed, sanctioned violence, etc.  Yes, churches are a refuge but there were also some used as a political pawn and money-maker for whoever was really in charge.  The story includes storms, famines, multiple battles in pursuit/conquest of the royal throne, considerable ambition and yes, faith.

The brutality of the times cannot be ignored (facts are facts) and I admit to avoiding those details.  While I did not have a favorite character, each was memorable and the intrigue certainly kept the story moving for me all the way to the end.  I kept thinking about how much more can this prior take, how many times will such bad things continue to happen to the good guys,  will there ever be any justice, how do the rotten people continue to be allowed to prosper and literally get away with murder/ thievery/brutality??? HOWEVER, each one comes to their end (thankfully) and the truth about the hanging that starts the book comes to light and the king is flogged (kind of).

This book is not at all what I expected which is a good thing.  Secondly, please do not be daunted by the sheer number of pages.  There is actually more than one story, all entangled in the ultimate quest of building the largest, most unique cathedral, to do it first and best along with the many characters along the way that it took to reach that goal.  It is also a reminder that God has his own timetable when answering prayers, even for a church. 

Oddly enough, it actually took me less time to get to the end of the book than most with half the number of pages.  I normally include details about the various characters and there is many, each adding so much to the story that it would take too much space here but I encourage you to get to know them in this worthy historical novel.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it an “8”.  I cannot give it a higher score since my all-time favorite historical novel is still Pope Joan by Donna Woolfolk Polk which I continue to give a solid “10”.

Special remembrance of one so dear, my Eric

Special remembrance of one so dear marks seven years on September 16th. I want to share him with some of you.

He was about 6’3” but seemed taller since he actually stood up straight, he played as hard as he worked, which as a rough neck in the oilfield was pretty tough going if that gives you a clue. His greeting to me was “Hola muy bonita Madre mia.” He even had the greeting drawn onto a napkin which I had framed and it is still displayed in the room he used during visits. 

He had a ready laugh, rarely met a stranger and forgave easily. Yes, he made mistakes, paid for them, learned from them, repeated some of them, and did not blame others for those mistakes or make excuses for them.  He was also a flirt and interested in just about every female that had a pulse.  However, to my knowledge he only proposed to one and she is still a dear FB friend to me. He also had a quick wit and some really clear thoughts about life and living. Here are two of my favorites: 1) Secrets kill people.  They are like a cancer that eats you up from the inside. 2) People only know what they know and they make up the rest.

He enjoyed cooking for family and friends.  Whether we were together at his home or ours, he would often say: “Mom, let’s go tear up the kitchen” or “You want to go tear up the kitchen?” which meant let’s cook something to eat, try a new recipe or create something new.  I still use his breakfast casserole recipe regularly.  He won a prize for a hamburger stuffed with a thin pork chop, cheese and peppers. He was underage and entered using his brother’s name.  His brother still has and uses the barbeque utensil set. The night before the accident he called for a recipe which is/was so Eric.

His creative talents included his hair color as well: red, green, purple, yellow and blonde.  He had beautiful brown eyes but for a few years he wore green tinted contacts. He said that he was the only one in the family with brown eyes and he wanted a change.  He looked just as handsome with green eyes as with brown.

Unlike many men, he was not afraid to express his love of family to others in public.  When he would come to my office at the bank, his greeting sometimes included his picking me up to give me a big hug which of course include the same wonderful expected greeting. 

He was always so weight conscious. There were a couple of years where he called himself the “Michelin Man”.  Back in 1992 during a four month period he went from a 36x32 to 32x36 jean and for most of adult life was 34x36.  He dressed well and had a favorite striped shirt that my youngest sister and I both repaired more than once. I have special memories associated with the shirts that I kept and will eventually get around to having them remade into shirts for me. I just could not bear to have some of them worn by others.

We always had some interesting conversations and I talked with him regularly.  However, the last month of life came some that, looking back, were almost foreboding such as:

Where he wanted to be buried, how he would die(which proved correct), life insurance beneficiary and why, special phone call thanking me for everything that I had done for him, the late night “sitting on the floor” truly straight  talk about his life, life choices, reduction in future home visits and why, burying him in what he called  “court clothes”, and even a narrow slide into heaven tied to his belief that life was to be experienced at full capacity and not to waste a minute of the whatever time he might be allotted. In fact, he wanted his body to be worn out from living life.

In his 27 years 5 days with us, he chose to live life rather than exist in life. He loved his family, friends and had a sincere appreciation for all life had to offer and he truly did want to experience all of it.  He invited everyone into his life and had a difficult time saying “no”.

Life happens, Eric happened and I am the better for it. 

Anniversary of my 2nd miracle

Today marks the anniversary of a miracle granted me 34 years ago.  I became a Mother for the 2^nd time to a son weighing over 8 pounds named Eric Wade Sample. He had the most beautiful dark brown eyes such that he was forever called “Kisses” by yours truly.  Yes, it was because of the chocolate Hershey’s Kisses. For most of his life Eric’s eyes were the richest, darkest brown that one could imagine to the point that the pupils were not clearly visible.

He had a ready laugh and forgave easily. That is not to say that he did not have a temper but it was rarely displayed towards family. He was also a flirt and interested in just about every female that had a pulse.  However, to my knowledge he only proposed to one and she is still a dear FB friend to me. He also had a quick wit and some really clear thoughts about life and living. Here are two of my favorites: 1) Secrets kill people.  They are like a cancer that eats you up from the inside. 2) People only know what they know and they make up the rest.

My family plus some of my friends know that I made a career out of conceiving both of my sons and that I was also told by my doctor that I would probably not be able to have children.  Jason was born 10/15/74 (1^st miracle) and Eric 09/11/78 which proves that God is the “Great Physician” and those in the medical industry are “His” sometimes tools in the process. That is my God honored opinion.  There is power in prayer and God answered mine.

My September thoughts

My thoughts of September naturally include Labor Day on the first Monday and the September 11^th anniversary date of the coordinated terrorist suicide attacks here in America. Being pro-military I am proud to note that both the US Air Force and US Army celebrate their respective existence this month as well:  US Air Force was established as a separate military service on Sept. 18, 1947 and the creation by Congress of the US Army on Sept. 29, 1789.

Please think beyond your head knowledge that Labor Day is a United States federal holiday that takes place on the first Monday in September celebrated mainly as a day of rest but recall pleasantly that the career opportunities that exist for each of us from which we may be resting is directly tied the 19^th amendment giving women the right to vote on August 18, 1920. 

Allow me to share from an inspirational book by Rachel Snyder titled Words of Wisdom for Women under the section for Labor there are three sentences within the passage that speak volumes to me. “Labor hard to bring forth your creations…Give birth to an idea, a vision you’ve carried for decades....Know that whatever you birth, when the labor is over, the hard work begins.”  These speak to me as a retired professional woman for what is possible in our lives that we create for ourselves each day that we continue to work hard and not give up our dreams or vision for our future as women in America.

September can also be a time to evaluate what you are resting “from” at your job or in your career. Have a passion for whatever you do at work and an undeniable appreciation of the fact that you can do it freely in a country that has such an appreciation for us as workers within the USA that we have been granted a special holiday in which to savor the moments. You may exercise that right to a career in this country better and safer than anywhere in the world. 

May you enjoy this Labor Day holiday on Monday, September 3, 2012 and reflect on September 11, 2001 with compassion for the families and friends of those who may have forever lost someone on that fateful day. Be earnest and continually pray for those who are committed to serving us in the military and on the political forefront in their respective efforts to protect us as Americans and American women.  

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Lauren Hillenbrand

Louis Zamperini tended to push limits (not in a positive way) as a young boy and the pranks of his youth could have, and by all accounts should have, gotten him arrested.  Thankfully that was not the case. It was through the love and ability of the older brother to redirect the force of energy within the younger “fleet of foot” brother in a different direction. That being track. It was a natural progression since Louis had been running anyway and just barely ahead of the law.

Being a track star brought him the recognition that he wanted and really did propel him to make different choices.  Was he still a rounder?  Yes but it did not result in jail time.  He participated in the 1936 Olympic game, did not medal but did meet Hitler personally, and could have been a legitimate contender for that next Summer Olympics. However, that chance for his second Olympics was interrupted by WWII.

The first bombardier crew with which he served is legendary but the final bombardier was not fit for service, was used for spare  parts,  but that crew was ordered to take it out on a recovery mission.  They crashed, some survived in a raft in the middle of the ocean for months, only to be “rescued” and taken to the first in a series of prison camps. 

Zamperini was a survivor many times over as a Japanese prisoner of war and in one camp appeared to be singled out for extra measure of torture. However, even in these POW camps, he was party to some interesting episodes that I would not have thought possible and resilience is an understatement given the circumstances. The daily “salute” to the emperor was my personal favorite. Dysentery created humor.

Even after the years of brutality, physical and mental torture (some to the delight of the tormentors) in the Japanese war camps, his body did not succumb to further health injustice later in life which was years after the war ended, living into his 90s. His physical strength carried him only to a point and his survival is no accident as I came to realize towards the end of the book. 

I am always drawn to historical novels, fiction and non-fiction, but this author has a writing style that draws you into the factual history of one Louis Zamperini and to those with whom he will always be connected, that shared a piece of history that we can only garner in the words wrenched from those who lived it, endured it, and survived it to live again but forever changed.

Many parts were difficult for me to read but I am relieved to say, it was well worth my temporary discomfort which pails miserably, wordlessly, to the real world discomforts shared with us in this book.

The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

Highly recommended to learn about Ernest Hemingway's early years before anyone knew or cared of his existence. Written as a novel with some factual content.

Previous to this the only thing I recalled about his personal side was that he was a hard drinker and womanizer. He did have a different side and it was odd to learn that he really wanted to be accepted by his family and others but could not accept charity or anything that he "interpreted" as charity. His wife truly loved him and chose to take a backseat to support his career goals at the expense of her early opportunity as an accomplished artist in her own right as a pianist. There are those who be today’s standards would have considered her a doormat. 

They lived in poor conditions, with minimal amounts of money but somehow made it work on an international level. His first set of manuscripts were lost/stolen and it may have actually been a blessing in disguise since he had to recreate himself as a writer and we have all benefited from what may have been the change needed for that has created hours of reading pleasure for all of us.

He was forever tormented by his experiences during war times (WWI) and he was seriously wounded. He fell in love with a nurse but she chose to marry someone else.  All three of these events appear to be connected and coupled with the less than nurturing home environment of his youth may have contributed to his somewhat driven nature. His mother appeared overbearing and his father seemed somehow distant, in my opinion. 

Throughout the book I got the impression that Hemingway felt that he did not deserve to be loved by the way he became so verbally brutal towards the same people who had initially pushed for his success that he had initially considered friends.  He sometimes treated a kindness or generosity as charity which he vehemently resented and refused.

Depression seems to have run in his family if the number of suicides is any measure which included his father, brother, sister and even his granddaughter, the model and actress Margaux Hemingway.  With what we know about depression today and had we known it then, who can know what other great works would have been written for our enjoyment. 

Having read this book, I have a better appreciation for his literary greatness and the hard road driven to our bookshelves.

He lived life on his own terms and died the same way, both in what could be termed desperation.  

On a scale from 1 to 10, from me it gets an 8.

11.22.63 by Stephen King

Please do not discount this book because of the title or the author like I initially did.  I am not a current fan of works by Stephen King and read it because it was the selection of my BPW book group.  I am so glad that I read it.

Yes, in my age group it is the date on which we all knew where we were: the day President John F Kennedy was assassinated.  This is a great read which causes one to think about more than the time travel in the book. If you could go back in time, would you? Could you live with the consequences of what resulted from that change? It was not obvious to me that any change, however minor, would result in other changes.

The lead character is a teacher who has as a student the janitor of the school where he teaches.  The writing assignment includes the story about how a family was brutally murdered by the father. More importantly, the writing brought the family members to life for the teacher in such a way that he seems to have or felt a connection (of sorts) to that family, particularly the janitor who was a young boy with real career dreams.  The teacher wondered what the janitor would have become if that night had not happened.

The teacher has a friend who owns a diner that insists on his time travel trip through a “portal”.  The friend is deathly ill and garners a promise from the teacher to stop the assassination.  Of course, the teacher has other changes that he wants to make along the way but it results in some unexpected changes within himself and to his character in the process. The changes were not what I had expected but added to the overall flow of the book. 

The twists and turns in this story held my attention and included real information about the names we came to know: Lee Harvey Oswald, his wife and family, Jack Ruby, JFK, and a host of others.   It also includes stories within the story about the obvious of him having to live a lie about who he was really; he was a great teacher who could/did make a difference in the ‘50s and ‘60s, loving someone, losing that someone, etc. 

Bottom line, changes came with consequences which were greater than I could have imagined and in my opinion, the story ended with ………………………….. NOPE, I AM NOT TELLING YOU.

Read it and share your thoughts with me.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I gave it a 10.

August is More than Heat

The first thing that comes to the mind of most Houstonians in August is the HOT, HOTTER AND HOTTEST month of the year.  I cannot really disagree. However, what comes to my mind first is back to school.  I loved being a student and loved school even more as a parent when my boys would come home sharing their “stories” of the day followed by helping them with schoolwork.   I looked forward to every second of their younger years and teenage years when I was allowed to so easily share part of their day as we talked through the homework sessions which “always” led to other discussions. 

The majority of my friends have grown children and as a result do not have the usual Back to School supplies list to fill.  Be sensitive to the needs of the many 100’s of families who could use your assistance in providing these supplies.  Please exercise your opportunity to fund some of the basic school supply needs as made available through various local charities or in your school district. 

Before my July 2012 retirement, I had completed 11 years as a volunteer Junior Achievement and every year had its rewards.  You can only imagine some of the questions asked of me by these students during these short, one hour a week, six weeks program in the elementary grades. 

Be a mentor or be a volunteer, it will add the best looking hat not only to your resume’ wardrobe, but to your life.