Dreams of Joy by Lisa See

On impulse, a young woman (Joy) runs away to the “home” country of her parents which happens to be China in the 50s because of a secret about her birth that she learns after her father’s suicide. The secret: Her mother(May) is her aunt, her aunt (Pearl) is the mother that she has known and loved as such, your birth father is an artist and revolutionary for the current China, and both women seemed to have loved him.  She feels betrayal and at the same time unwanted. Her “Tiger” nature takes over and she chooses to run away from what she knows in search of her birth father and what she may contribute in her support of the China that she thinks that she knows.  

Please allow an aside here. As in real life, it is not the genes that always make a mother and you can have multiple women who mother you in different ways throughout your life. If you have seen the movie or read the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd, you may be able to relate to my opinion.

The draw for me in this book is of course, the historical significance of what was termed as the “new” China in the 1950s with their control of communication, restricted mobility, and the censor of information, all woven into this novel.  Segments of citizens became part of communal living which is has purposes of propaganda and what was considered by the initial inhabitants as a freedom lifestyle. The inhabitants work from can-to-can’t (way past can’t) even during the famine because they are told too, and without revolt.  Some of the ill family members are buried alive to save on food rations since they can no longer contribute to China, there is even “swap food” which is a baby swap so that surviving family members do not cannibalize their own child.  They believe the lies about what is happening outside the commune. Starvation does make one compliant.

The characters are both forgettable and unforgettable. The ending which includes the escape plot along with the unexpected last minute drama is well written and the story ends as it should.  Bottom line, the characters are well developed and yes, the characters “find themselves” and Pearl discovers that her true country is the USA and that it is her choice to make after all.

This book follows the story that began in the book “Shanghai Girls”, also by Lisa See, which I would also recommend.  In this story continued from above:

The mother (Pearl) forges to China and has no intention of returning without her daughter.  For the mother, it is not the China from which she escaped and in every regard, is worse.  Even though China born, she immigrated to the US and therefore is always under suspicion and will struggle like her daughter.  She has her own identity crisis with which to deal.

Commune living for Joy was voluntary, includes famine, a “red” husband who treats her poorly which includes infidelity,  and yet she is considered totally at fault by your adopted country, the in-laws, and fellow peasants, even those who have befriended you.  They really have no choice but to victimize you or they will be subject to the same. What you thought you knew is so wrong and on every level.  How will you escape, can you leave before your baby daughter becomes “swap food”,  can your mother and aunt find you in time or will you starve to death in the commune, in a country that you decide is not yours after all?

The mother and father orchestrate an escape using his notoriety as an artist and it his art that is almost their undoing. The aunt works on the ploy to get them to Hong Kong which allows for the ultimate escape. 

Having read both “Shanghai Girls”, “Dreams of Joy” and “On Gold Mountain”, it put life into what it was like in China and the how/why/whatit takes to get and choose to stay in this country.  The choice comes at great cost and I am not just talking about money.  The sacrifice made cannot be ignored or measured. 

The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

Imagine being four years old with no memory of who you are and are left standing alone on the dock where you have exited the ship that brought you to Australia from England.  You are discovered by the dock foreman and are taken in by him and his wife pending finding your family.  Fast forward. You have been raised as a beloved daughter with younger sisters and at 21 years of age you learn that you are not who you think you are and the “parents” have no answers. They can offer nothing more than the little white suitcase you had at the shipping dock. You are confused and have no real sense of belonging. 

The mystery of her mother, etc.does get solved but by her granddaughter who also finds her own path in the process.  

The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh

This is by far one of my favorite books read in the last year. Every character brought something of value to the story even the ending seemed appropriate for that time in life of the main character.

Imagine 32 foster homes by the age of ten, your case worker and others think that you are mentally impaired when in actuality no one made an effort to ask a question in the classroom or make an inquiry beyond being terse, no friends, and even the adoption that you thought would happen didn’t and your decision to create a resolve that might bring about the adoption certainly did not go as planned. 

When she aged out of foster care, she literally lived on her own in a park, among the nature she adored and found sanctuary. She learned about and found great solace in flowers, their meanings which was used to build a life as a much favored florist but did not necessarily bring her happiness. 

She found love but since it was a foreign entity to her, she could not accept it, understand it or the passion filled consequences of her actions.  She desperately tried motherhood but thought of herself as a failure or that it just wasn’t meant for her. Only after she gave up what could have been her future did she realize the meaning or importance of what was thought lost to her. 

She seemed to live a life of confusion except when working with or the discussion of flowers and their meanings as she understood them to be. When she learned about other definitions for her beloved flowers, she began to question her judgment. She had an established clientele and received regular referrals.  It seems that her recommendations did have some much desired results for her clients, hence her initial concern.  Alas and as it turns out she had no need for concern after all.

No, this is not a totally depressing book. Please switch your mental gears to allow your heart to listen for more as you come to understand her life choices that were built and developed through traumatic events. These shaped her life and eventually led to being able to reach for “humans” over flowers, to a life that she just might be able to accept and want, plus  equally important,  to the three people who will really, really love her and were just waiting for her to decide when the time was right. 

Gossip is Murder

I keep being reminded of conversations shared with my both of my sons and their comments which matured over time. Being boys and coming from their mother, these “talks” were usually fairly brief, to the point and for personal reasons they are coming to the forefront of my mind now.  The comments about murder in the first two were from a sermon that a dear friend of mine shared that she had heard at her church. I was a teenager at the time so as one would imagine, it made quite an impression on me.  I wish that I could recall the specific Bible scriptures but alas I was not the note taker that I am now when in the 8^th and 9^th grade.

1.       Those who gossip have murderous intentions. While they are trying to promote their cause, make them look better than they are, and are trying to influence the thoughts of another, what they are really doing is killing what is known about the person being maligned.

2.       When people lie or stretch the truth they are guilty of murder or at the least attempted murder.  They are doing their best to destroy the reputation of someone in an effort to build up themselves to others. Their actions can actually draw attention to their jealousy or insecurity or need for power or control.  You don’t build yourself up by tearing someone else down.  By putting a target on someone’s back, are you really trying to redirect attention from your own self-interests, disappointments or failures?

3.       If people are ignorant enough not to look for the facts behind the blah-blah-blah, don’t waste your time trying to convince people of the truth because all they may want is the blah-blah-blah anyway. 

4.       Some people don’t care enough about you to know the truth so walk away.  Blah-blah-blah is just that, blah-blah-blah to the people who know you best and to those who really love you.

My goodness, these were a long time ago but I guess that the truth really is timeless and sadly, the items above continue to have no boundaries for some people.

On the bright side, I did find some scriptures to support some of these meandering reflections. The one that speaks to me is James 3:8 which is true that no man can tame the tongue but ........ my God can.  

Pr 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.  

Pr 26:28 A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin. 

James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 

Pr 17:4 A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue. 

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

The interwoven love story that takes the phrase “till death do us part” to a whole new level as it relates to a tradition within a culture that requires the youngest daughter to remain unmarried for the sole purpose of caring for the mother until the mother’s death.  Birth order may have its privileges but as experienced by the characters here it could be a lifetime of regrets, misery, adultery and lost opportunity to marry for love.

Three sisters each controlled by the whims of their mean spirited mother with the truth behind the mother’s driven “drama” only discovered after her death.   The truth does not excuse her actions IN ANY WAY but shows how people do retaliate against others who are directly and indirectly related through no fault of their own. Tita, the main character was hated by her own mother from the moment of birth LITERALLY.  But for the sake of loving cook in the family kitchen who picked Tita up from the kitchen floor Tita would have died. Her life continued to be nurtured in the kitchen by that loving cook

I like Tita, the main character, and felt for her during the entire story. Imagine falling in love but being forbid to marry him, your mother convinces him to marry another daughter and then being made to prepare the marriage feast including the wedding cake.  The effect of the tears that fall into the food has a most unusual effect on the guests, particularly the bride with publicly and privately physically humiliating results. 

Who knew that the tears fallen into a recipe could cause such emotional and sometimes physical reactions by those later in the story who partook the food which included depression and melancholy, suicide, one of the sisters was so overcome that she discarded her clothing while running away from home and literally rode off into the sunset on the back of a horse with a stranger, the entire life of the main character revolves around food. 

Yes, this book includes relationships, what initially appeared to be star-crossed lovers, food and the strange effects it had on people which included life choices, and an ending that one would expect that only a seasoned author could devise.   This is the first book by this author which was produced into a movie with both the book and movie receiving many awards and much recognition.

On a personal note it included recipes with detailed descriptions.  

Caring Continues With the Benefit of Memories

Oh my goodness, yet another four days shared with Mom and William. Each time I get to help creates more memories together for the three of us. At times I even get to be a telephone operator during my stay which affords talks with beloved uncles, cousins and the best of our friends.

 Meal times also create memories since much of my cooking plus recipes were learned from mom, her sister (Aunt Dude) and her mother (Grandma Buck). Even cleaning up the kitchen is tied to my mother.  She said that you cannot be considered a good cook unless you clean up the kitchen after each meal.  Thankfully we have dishwashers to shorten that task.  OF NOTE: When we were younger and someone asked mom if she had a dishwasher she said “Yes, I have three and there are portable (with a slight pause here). Their names are Linda, Rebecca and Julia.”  We talked about that too and we had a good laugh (one of many this weekend).

I really love being able to share these moments publicly. It serves as a reminder of the good times that are still possible to share with my mother until the dementia steals more and more of her away from me.  

The Joy of Caring for a One so Dear

What a wonderful four days and three nights I was able to share recently with my mom and dad.  It was a time of peace, calmness, laughter and a time of sharing plus reflection.  I was able to cook for them (no surprise there) and we had daily Bible study time together as well. What a joy these days have been to me which serves as a reminder of the mothers who gave us life and the relationship that each of us has built with her over time.

 We shared so many vacations together over the years which included the wonderful man that is now her husband (my dad) and his youngest son who is now my youngest brother.  When they married I gained another sister and two brothers so we are now a family of seven siblings.  I count each of them as blessings to my life and “our family” has grown with their respective spouses, children, grandchildren and some great-grandchildren along the way for our parents. 

 My sisters Rebecca, Laura and I willingly alternate the day and night care of mom and assist William however needed being sensitive to the time and scheduled commitments each of us may have, some of which cannot be changed on a moment’s notice but given a day or twos notice can be accomplished.   Plans are subject to change and can be worked out calmly, with personalities and jealousies set aside.

 What will not be broken or manipulated is the bond shared with our mother and William.  Every minute and moment shared with my mother and William this week is committed to my memory and the maneuvering of others cannot take that away. 

I look forward to any hours, days or nights that will be shared in their home or elsewhere.  Home health care and physical therapy is in the works which is great and my mother is looking forward to walking again and a more independent lifestyle.  Until then her independent spirit lives on in each of the siblings and we will each continue with whatever care is needed for both our mom and our dad, William.

"Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn

This thriller might parallel the writing popularity for both Stephen King and James Patterson. If you even remotely enjoy thrillers, this book should be at the top of your list for this year. The two primary characters are the married couple: Nick and Amy.

 The husband:

Nick is the type who carries the weight of his upbringing into his marriage which triggers other behaviors in the marriage.  His father was real piece of work who appeared to revile women to a certain degree which of course included his wife (Nick’s mother). However, this does not warrant or justify behavior in the mind of another. (Yes, yes, I know that we can be a product of our upbringing but behavior is a choice, I don’t care who you are.)  I liked him at first but then a motive began to surface tied to the ringing phone that he would not answer and lied about the source of the call and the many lies that he admitted making to the police. From there the plot thickened against him and rightfully so.

 The wife:

Amy seems like a perfect girlfriend then wife. In fact, she was referred to as the “Amazing Amy” and her parents made a fortune using her life and life situations as a young girl in a series of books. Was she loved more than the dollar signs she represented and how did this impact Amy, or did it?  You can decide for yourself. 

Amy says that she does not want, need, desire, or respect a “dancing monkey” which is a term that I learned in this book. You could have fooled me as the story develops.  For some reason, I was not a fan of her from the beginning but the real person behind the persona came as quite a shock to me as the story developed. She does have a brilliant calculating mind which looking back seemed always lurking under the surface. The groundwork she lays out, years in the making will blow you away.

 It was almost too late when thankfully the lights went off for certain law enforcement personnel that all things may not be as air-tight as originally thought.  With a guaranteed conviction looming, it was time to do some calculating of their own.  The attorney brought something to the story as well but alas, I cannot even recall his name to mention here. 

 For me the end was as much a surprise as the story.  My feelings of right and wrong with justice rightly served really came into question here. However, the real “survivor” in this story must do what is right for another and sacrifice the right to a new life.  The legal justice system was not served well but I can certainly understand and appreciate protecting an innocent at the expense of the truth and the sacrifice to one’s own personal freedom. .

Life is about choices and some will follow us forever and we must choose what is right for us tied to the ultimate consequences which might be mandated on another.

 Personally, I will not be attending the movie which is scheduled for release this year. The book was satisfying yet exhausting enough without feeling like the air had left the room during many parts which will play out over the course of the film. 

Paper or Plastic? I will take both, please.

It is the New Year and many, many of you may have received books, an eReader (Nook, Kindle) or gift cards to Barnes & Noble or Amazon during the recent Christmas, Hanukah, etc. holiday.  Here are some tips for both paper and electronic options.

Swap books

There are several book swapping groups that I have read about over the last several months.  Each allows you to exchange books with other readers for the cost of postage alone.  I have not checked it out but here are three of the names that have been referenced in a magazine and newspaper article received at my home.

PaperBack Swap

Book-Mooch

TitleTrader   

For eReaders, there are several options for FREE or deeply discounted books. I have signed up to receive the daily email notices as well as LIKED them on Facebook.

www.bookbub.com

www.pixelofink.com

www.ereadernewstoday.com

http://ereadernewstoday.com/category/freekindlebooks/

www.pennymatrix.com

www.overdrive.com

FREE community library for your street or neighborhood

For the industrious and community library minded individuals, one can build a little “library box” of sorts that can be kept in your neighborhood.  You start by providing some books and then let others know that they can pick up of a book and bring a book to share as well.  The size of the box can vary and seems to primarily up to the individual.  I have actually asked my husband to modify one of his larger birdhouse designs to accommodate my desire to start one in the front of my house near our driveway entrance even though I feel sure that I will need approval of some sort from our homeowners association.  Check it out for yourself and also stay tuned for the results of my efforts.

http://littlefreelibrary.org

Isn’t it wonderful to have so many choices?   For the record, the answer is YES.

Janet Dailey 1944 to 2013 and some personal thoughts reading her books brought to mind

Readers lost another memorable author this year: Janet Dailey.  She was a romance novelist that I favored some time ago when I devoured similar books in the 70s and early 80s.  I cannot say that I outgrew her books  but my current interests  lean toward historical novels,  biographies, autobiographies, mystery, crime or police dramas, etc.  This is not diminish Dailey’s talent but just shows how ones interest may expand over time to include other writers and writing styles.

 Like many people, she overcame scandal but had many faithful readers and followers during that difficult time.  With the thousands and thousands of writers who may be veracious  readers as well, it must be difficult to keep ones writing style “pure” and at the same time consistent without the flavor of another writer blending in by accident or by design.  Personally, I did not keep up with whatever the facts might have been at the time but I do appreciate the fact that she survived to write another day.  This speaks “volumes” about her personally as well.  What I choose to remember is that she admitted to the “infractions”, lost a publisher, but kept on writing.  I am a fan of the other author too but this is not about her but the life of an author worthy of recall. 

 The writings of Janet Daily are and were great for those who relish in the escape to romantic novels BUT who in real life might not tolerate the actions of the men in these novels.  Just like boys will be boys, some men are men: good, bad or indifferent. However some are worth the time and trouble it takes to find the love that for some can only be or best found in books.   Just saying….

 While sharing my personal thoughts about Janet Daily, it brought other fond memories to mind when things were quite different for me. My next door neighbor and I probably read everything offered by this author as well as those by Barbara Cartland, who passed away back in 2000.  We swapped books with each other to save money and to avoid interruptions in our reading pleasures, our favorite pastime.  We were both young mothers and any spare time (which was truly minimal) was spent reading and sharing these “loving” stories with each other.  While at the time, life seemed so complicated with the money never quite stretched far enough, our home was literally failing down around us, our choices in clothing were from second hand stores (there were no Wal-Mart or Target stores back then), Christmas shopping was by necessity on layaway plans with one or two gifts at best, what I remember best was the fellowship shared with another woman and that I still had my reading pleasure to escape from the realities of ever day living. 

 Books with their plots, characters (real or imagined) are one of the many blessings that life has offered me and millions of others just like me.  My situation may be much changed but some things thankfully have not changed, that being my appreciation and love for printed words.

Life is full of facts and fiction so why not enjoy some reading to complement our life, expand our knowledge, increase our awareness or provide the distractions that are so needed in our task of living, not just existing.  No, I do not believe in the happily ever after in fairy tales but I do believe in possibilities that reading creates in our mind that feeds a goal that produces a plan to develop the life we want for our self or more importantly for others. 

Reading, it’s what’s for ….. (Now you fill in the blanks)