Three M's and Flowers

I love the month of May with Mothers Day, Memorial Day, and that magnificent gift of nature – flowers, flowers and more flowers. 

Please take time this month to acknowledge your mom for the life that she created, that being “you”. They mentor and coach us through childhood and a mother’s love seems to have no limits.  One year I sent a handwritten note instead of the traditional Hallmark card, telling my own mother how much she served as my mentor during my life and the influence she still has on the way that I regard others.

As professionals and business women, we may receive numerous accolades or awards for our accomplishments, but no title or professional designation sounds better to me than Mom. 

 In June 2000, I spent most of an entire day at the Arlington Cemetery and was privileged to observe the changing of the guards at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which commemorates our American war dead from the World Wars, Korea, and Vietnam. Words are inadequate to express how I felt at that moment.  I experienced great pride to have been born here but could not stop myself from crying while watching those soldiers.

You may not have the opportunity to see it first hand, but you can visit our local veteran’s cemetery to witness the Memorial Day ceremony, wear one of the poppies that are frequently sold near that date, and absolutely thank the next soldier that you see in a uniform.
 

Be respectful of the many that have served, remember and honor those who were not able to return to their family, and be supportive of those who we are blessed to have returned.  Be forever mindful of the fact that we are “here” because they were “there”.

Here are two of my favorite May trivia of note:

• Mother's Day became a public holiday on May 9, 1914
• Memorial became a federal holiday in 1971, and is observed on the last Monday in May.

Lastly, I am absolutely convinced that flowers were created for the primary purpose of enjoyment and are to be unquestionably shared along with our memories between family and friends. However, the floral fragrance in my home just gave way to the aroma of the apple pie in my oven. 

Luck or Something Like It by Kenny Rogers

Another Houston native makes it good but as luck would have it and this was not an easy ride to fame which will surprise no one.  However, for once an entertainer who tells a truth (several of them) about his road to what he says is happiness.

He was one of eight children born into the poorest of conditions and lived in the projects, which lends one to believe that one’s birth environment does not guarantee limited career options.   He was definitely not held hostage by his poor beginnings, established good work ethics, and assisted the family financially.  In fact, he said that being poor did not mean hopelessness.

Kenny Rogers definitely believes in marriage.  He has had five.  To his credit he does admit that the first three were 85% his fault, with the fourth marriage they just slowly moved into different directions and his fifth (current wife) is over 20 years his junior

I did find some humor in two of the marriages.

The first trip to the altar for Kenny Rogers was to another Texan with whom he became more than a little “familiar” and as was typical of that time, resulted in a marriage.  I found in comical that the girl’s mother called to demand that he show up on a specific Saturday to marry her pregnant daughter.  His response was a simple “Okay”.  After the baby was born, things did not go well; the parents moved her back to their home.  When Kenny called her to talk about trying to make their marriage work, the girl (his wife) asked her mother about it and her response was “My mom said no.”  Yes, youth is wasted on the young.

During the second or third marriage, the wife was more concerned about Kenny throwing her mink coat out the door to her as she was running beside the car shortly before his automobile accident.  No, he did not throw the coat to her.  He made something humorous about something distressing.  This reminds me of a line in one of his most famous songs, “You have to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em”.   He lived the line before making it famous.

He said that the only time he felt uncertain about his life was when the group by the name of The First Edition called it quits. He felt lost and for the first time was absolutely alone.   He had no job skills and dropped out of college before obtaining a degree in engineering. His ambition kept him moving beyond all else.  He had learned harmony from his sister and learned something from every experience: from singing alone to learning how to walk and sing at the same time to playing bass to the realization the country music was his answer to his music career.  He was ambition driven and headed out to Nashville with little cash and fewer connections.

His career encompasses real friendships with Dottie West, Lionel Richie and yes one of his biggest fans is Dolly Parton.  He received some great advice early on which he kept front and center: 1) your career is a business and treat it accordingly, 2) have a few real friends, 3) get a hobby, 4) have a backup plan for your life. 5) One cannot have success without sharing.  As a result, he has raised millions for charity at his annual tournament held on his property.  He has two published to his credit.  He sold one of his homes for twice what he paid and IN CASH.  He also said that the key to success is “to keep going” and he definitely had a life in motion. 

Now for some really interesting notes:  Sue Reed (friend at BPW) and his family grew up in the same area. She was friends with them and one of his sisters in particular.  My mom worked with the woman who lived next to door to his mom when she lived in Crockett. At my 45^th high school reunion I found out that one of my friends older siblings was a best friend with one his sisters. 
It is small world …. Or is it?

Diplomacy and Diamonds by Joanne King Herring

This is my favorite book read for 2013 (SO FAR).  If you like romance, read it.  If you like history, read it.  If you like non-fiction, read it.  If you want to read about a “real” Texas woman in every sense of the word, read it. If you want to hear about an “alleged” ugly dyslectic duckling turned swan, someone who learned how to turn parties into a purpose, coincidence into opportunity, work across party lines but realized a “truth” in her day to reach a goal and above all how she built her “toolbox” which was used in her crusade of one against communism, this is the book for you.

She made many decisions tied to her Southern roots and without compromising her virtue or integrity:

Marriage # 1 but this was not her first choice.  The parents of the one she originally cared about did not approve of her so marriage was out of the question. However, the father became a friend and supporter of her efforts LATER IN HER LIFE. However, she does not regret her first marriage which produced two sons she adored who became her champions. Her son Robin was the cameraman in her Afghan “experience” that turned into the book/movie “Charlie Wilson’s War” about the fight against communism and what had to be done to get the attention and money needed to help those being killed, maimed, etc.

Marriage # 2 was the love of her life.  Joanne did not need a matchmaker here and it really is a love story. She decided to remarry (typical Southern style for her day in time) for the financing of the future of her sons (initially).  There is no doubt in mind that they truly loved each other. “He” even loaned money to her ex-husband Bob King in an effort to save Bob’s business.  It was repaid in full.  Her husband repaid Joanne’s $1mil loan that was offered unsecured @ zero interest while she a single, unemployed, mother of two young sons. (relationships, trust and communication tools mattered then and still do) It was in this marraige that she received and used her "working diamond" of 20 carats. (In this case, size matters.)  Before his death, she met and befriended those who would be instrumental in her fight against communism. She danced with royalty, was courted by the rich and famous, and it was these same friends who provided a diversion to deal with the loss of her beloved husband.  It was during this time that she met “the” Charlie Wilson, a playboy and politician who loved her, proposed to her but they parted ways as friends after their mission was accomplished, so to speak. In the process, she became an “honorary man” while working in in the Middle East.

Marriage # 3 started out with love but the darker side of the husband was not learned until well into the marriage which ended in her second divorce. She did invest 20 years into the marriage but enough is enough.  In the letter she received from him years later he admitted that the best years of his life were spent with her. However, it was through this experience that she really learned that she had strength to be independent, use skills to become a “paid” consultant, and stand on her own as a single woman.

I learned a great dealt about the people within Afghanistan who have historically supported the USA with money and time.  I was touched by the sincerity of the people in this behind the scenes look at those who were doing and giving their all to fight communism. I learned why this particular geographic region could (may) be pivotal in the control of what happens here and abroad.

This woman definitely has the “it” factor and continues in her efforts to make a difference through the non-profit agency that she began from her love of the Afghan people.  A comment under a photo of her in fabulous evening wear where she is looking back at the camera describes her well in that she may be looking over her shoulder but she never looked back. 

March is Women’s History Month. So what?

I retired from a bank, not from life and still enjoy sharing information as it relates to business and/or professional women.

In that connection, I discovered some remarkable facts of particular interest and this is by no means a complete view of information garnered, just some highlights of my own personal interest.

·    Center for Women’s Business Research. Statistics for Houston in 2004 confirmed that “nearly half of all private held firms represent 50% or more women-owned. These 158,239 firms generate $50.2 billion in sales and employed 324,876 people.”

·    Compare that to current data found on www.businesswire.com : “Between 1997 and 2012, when the number of businesses in the United States increased by 37%, the number of women-owned firms increased by 54%, a rate 1.5 times the national average.” With regards to geographic trends, one of the states with the fastest growth in the number of women-owned firms during the past 15 years includes Texas at 75% growth.

·    Finally I found some interesting facts from The State of Women-Owned Business Report commissioned by American Express OPEN: “Averaging together the ten-year growth rankings in the number, revenue and employment of women-owned firms in the 25 largest metropolitan areas in the country-to look at combined economic clout –reveals …SanAntonio and Houston, TX at # 2 and #3.” The industry trend section reports that “Women-owned firms continue to diversify into all industries.”

This is both amazing and encouraging at the same time.  Consider how any professional membership fits into these numbers and also how each of us serves or is being served by these companies or contacts.  This confirms to me that there is more than enough business to go around for every one regardless of any self-defined niche.

There are countless articles about how women are more inclined to do business with other women. Additionally, women emphasize relationship building as well as gathering facts and may take more time to make decisions in her business.  The quality of a membership, mentoring group, and special interest group lends to that process from giving to receiving referrals and establishing relationships.

Many have heard me say that sometimes it is not who you know but who knows you, and the best way to be known is to get involved.  What are you doing to make a difference and make your communications work for you? 

Funerals can also be Inspiring

Funerals can be sad as we recall someone much loved who is no longer here with us.  However, they can also be uplifting as the one for my Aunt Dude (Julia Buck Francis) on Wednesday.  She lived a life of service and was also known, loved, and appreciated for her resourcefulness while raising her five children.

Her oldest child, Betty Ann Francis Zeamer, provided the eulogy which spoke volumes and touched every heart and tearful eye at the service.  She provided a perfect eye view into the life of her mother from young love, a mother, grandmother, great grandmother and her famous, enjoyed by all, biscuits.  My heart was heavy as I entered the chapel and was lightened by the love-filled words of remembrance for one so special and beloved.  Betty spoke of the dash between the birth date and departure date which I have heard about many times over the years from others. However, in the instance of my aunt, the way she lived “the dash” between her birth and date of death will be recalled by hundreds and only in favor.

She would be most proud to see how each of her children comforted each other during her transition to heaven and in the recent days that followed her departure.  What a joy to share our wonderful memories as children with our many cousins.  I could actually see the love of my aunt reflected and expressed in each of her now grown children whose ages range from 53 to 64, if memory serves.

I am equally proud of my mother who loves my cousins as her own children and looks forward to the many days left that we can all share together.  In the passing of her sister my mother also lost her best friend with whom she could share anything. Some sisters do have that type of relationship but not nearly enough.  

I got home tonight and the first thing I did was make biscuits.  Was I hungry? No. Was I remembering my Aunt Dude who shared a tip or two about making biscuits? Absolutely.  Were they as good as hers? No way but who can really duplicate perfection.

She may be leaving us but ……..

My mother called earlier today and is beside herself with anxiety and soon to be grief. Her sister, our beloved Aunt Dude (Julia Evelyn Francis) is transitioning into hospice care. She has been battling cancer for many years and now our final days with her are upon us.  She is and has been a faithful Christian Woman of God and has said many times over the last few months that she is tired and ready to go to her heavenly home. We are never ready to let go of those we love, even our family members who have been so dedicated to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ through words, actions and deed but have endured many years of cancer related treatments, pain and discomfort.

Growing up, many a summer my sisters and I had some of our most memorable moments with her at her kitchen table, playing outside on their multiple acre homestead out in the country which included what we thought was the most awesome swing ever made from an old feed sack tied with a rope attached to a big tree near the porch, and I will never forget the "singings" at their church and sister churches and the yearly ones at the Oak Grove decoration over Memorial Day weekend. We wanted to see her immediately after crossing the Arkansas state line but visited with our grandparents in town first.  In fact, my mom and dad would ALWAYS SAY “I’ll whip the first one of you kids that asks to go to Aunt Dude’s while we are visiting with your Grandma and Grandpa.”   We did not understand that Mom wanted to visit with her Mom and Dad first. We just knew that Aunt Dude was a short 30 minutes away (which seems like an eternity once you are finally in the car again).  Our cousins were actually our best friends when we were growing up.  We could not afford to talk on the phone often but we sure wrote letters on a regular basis.

I learned to cook by watching her every move in the kitchen and even churned butter which was a real treat for this city girl.  She made the best biscuits EVER and could whip out a meal for her brood and our family faster than most do now with all of the modern conveniences at our disposal. We could hardly wait to get to her house to shell peas or anything else from her garden that she “saved” especially for us.  She always remembered how much I loved her canned pickles and would save me a jar. Even last September she gave me a jar along with some squash relish that also has no equal on any shelf anywhere.

Her sweet spirit, beautiful voice in song, unlimited words of wisdom and support, contagious  laughter, her ability to tell a joke like no one else and her soft spoken heart-warming Arkansas drawl do not have a match here on earth. Her capacity for love and forgiveness seems limitless and she always had time for me and to talk with me. 

Her reward in heaven will be greater than our grief but for now it is hard to accept or acknowledge the fact that her days here with us are at a minimum. Praise God for the life she lead and praying for the comfort that only God can provide to those of us who remain.

I am not sure when we will leave for Arkansas for a visit while Aunt Dude is still aware of her surroundings. She is naturally heavily mediated to help with the pain.  My mom was crying so desperately and is not in a position to make any decisions at the moment. My mother is what one would call a worrier and her anxiety level is on overdrive, as one would imagine. I am equally concerned about my mom and her emotional well-being. She and Aunt Dude talk almost daily. My mom is 80 years and is also on the decline in a few areas.  This loss will take its toll on her as does the recent news that her youngest brother has cancer with the treatment as yet undetermined. 

Yes, this message is long but my heart is full and words keep spilling from my fingers.

Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank

Yes, it has finally happened.  Russia and our USA push “the” buttons which lead to the physical destruction of the majority of each country and surrounding areas.  Imagine life without electricity, telephone communication, gasoline for your cars, batteries, and inadequate water and food supplies.  Add this to the basic nature of man, that being survival and at whatever costs which will not be limited to robbery, theft, murder, violence at every level plus the effects of radiation and how to limit further exposure.  The crash of 1929 pales in comparison; there are no banks LITERALLY and cash has become meaningless. 

Imagine no President, Vice President, etc., key military and intelligence personnel,  and the responsibilities falling onto a cabinet member who just happened NOT to be Washington, DC, a major metropolis or military establishment that was bombed. Imagine no longer being a super power but more of a territory and even that cannot be confirmed by any degree at the moment. Imagine being in a somewhat remote area which has not been adversely affected by the H-bomb or direct fallout.  However, someone still needs to be in charge of making decisions and establishing order and making new laws from which to govern.

Yes, we won but at what cost? The recovery would be 1000 years in the making.

The countries today are no longer limited to Russia and USA but this book is absolutely relevant and is highly recommended.  Original copies of this book may be difficult to find and were not available on my NOOK but lessons plans and related study notes are available.  I borrowed a copy from my friend and fellow book group reader Mari Davis and will be returning it to her at BPW book group next month.  I can understand her reluctance to share this copy from 1959 but it would be worthwhile to find a copy for own personal enjoyment.

I enjoyed every page of this book and particularly the writing style.  Keeping in mind that it was written 1959, I was thrilled to miss the gutter talk, body stripping, and literal violence.  I know what is happening without those types of details.  Why clutter and pollute our minds with the unnecessary!

The Amish Bride by Mindy Starns Clark and Leslie Gould

Each of us can recall the time we thought we knew better than our parent(s) as to what and whom our future should include.  We placed our own interpretation on events and conversations but believed them to be the “only” truth or possibility. A young girl (Ella) is somewhat determined to force a future which includes plans to join a church primarily to marry a young man she has known most of her life.  She is a Mennonite and he is Amish.  Her goals include going to school to become a baker and has dreams of owning her own store but will becoming Amish be the beginning of the end those dreams? Circumstances create a distance between them from Pennsylvania to Indiana and they appear to be determined to be together.

This book speaks to a family and a history that does not become clearly understood and questions are left hanging for decades until a diary written in some kind of code by a great-grandmother can be deciphered. At the request of Ella’s grandmother, she takes the diary to discover its secrets.  What she learns in the process opens her hear to understand other things about herself, the questionable infant death of an unbeknownst uncle (her grandmother’s only son), and also her own mother which leads Ella to finally forgive her absentee father. 

Ella’s future changes, however, she does realize all of her goals in ways she did not see coming AT ALL. 

Being “Plain” does not mean being simple minded or boring. It does however include commitment to God, family unity, and being equally yoked.  Personally, I believe the same and I am neither Amish nor Mennonite.  Each religion has a written reference. For me it is the Bible so feel free to check out the love chapters, more commonly known as the Corinthians.

Dear Abby

People, young and old alike, lost someone precious today: the original Dear Abby. She had millions of followers and there may be some who may not realize that she took to task the shoddy advice column of the San Francisco Chronicle back in 1956.  This stay at home mom took ownership of the concerns expressed in the letters to that newspaper and how fortunate we are that the paper recognized her talents which resulted in the column that we know today.

Most of my dearest friends grew up reading Dear Abby and it may have been one of the first articles we read when opening our newspaper. Her twin sister we grew to love as Ann Landers.  Each used pseudonyms but in every other way they were the real deal in my opinion.

As a young woman and even today the articles are relevant and impart both common sense wisdom and words to the wise.  I realize that the “Abby” of long ago has morphed onto someone else and I am glad that current media has not chosen to forego the column.   I will enjoy it while it lasts.

By the way, “my” Dear Abby is conveniently located in the Houston Chronicle Star section which also includes the Jumble, Daily Crossword and Hints from Heloise which are also some of my personal favorites.  Even though retired, I like to keep my mind working on SOMETHING.  Life is good and may God bless the memory and be with the family of our beloved Dear Abby who in real life is known as Pauline Phillips.

Fresh Start and New Beginnings

January always brings to mind fresh starts and opportunities, new beginnings and moving past the disappointments from the previous year and attempting, where possible, to correct the whatever and lastly, but more importantly, to acknowledge or thank someone for something every single day.

When reviewing the news from last year, it served as a reminder of those who can no longer share their life with us in the present.  However, we can share in the joy of their accomplishments and what they have contributed to our lives in the form of family, food, fashion, fun, or being female. 

On a personal note, I was told by a beloved family member and much later actually read the same thing that the way you start the beginning of your year is the way you will spend the rest of that year. Hence, I begin my new year with family and friends and have for nearly 30-years.  My New Year’s Eve and the previous two days are spent feeding one of my passions … cooking.  On New Years Day I serve the same menu and make many, many pies to use as gifts. (This year I made 36 pies.)  As family and friends arrive, I request that each child followed by each family select a pie as my gift to them for deciding to begin their year with me, in my home. Any remaining pies will accompany our shared meal as the “grazing” period begins sometime around 1 p.m. Before retirement I rented a moonwalk which was setup in the backyard with easy viewing from a kitchen window and the back patio. One of the men might bring horse shoes or washers to setup near the moomwalk.  Yes, I choose to spend my New Years Day with people that I love, admire, and absolutely enjoy/relish/covet their company. 

How we spend our time and who we spend it with is a choice that I readily make each day and count each person as an added benefit/gift to my life.  We encounter enough that we cannot control both personally and professionally.  I freely admit to loving life and value each part of my life from the gene pool to zip codes. 

This is a new year, so enjoy your life, make an appointment with yourself to have fun, and exercise wisdom to make choices that create value to your life and the lives that you impact or encounter each day in 2013.  Share yourself.