Unforgotten Angels memorial 2013 December 9th and “ME”

I was invited to share my thoughts as a speaker (of sorts) to talk about my nephew and my son who left this world way too young, 20 and 27 years old respectively. This event is held annually on the second Sunday of December and is set aside to remember those we have lost to this world: our children, grandchildren, sibling, etc. 

While it was somewhat solemn and directly linked to the emotional hole in one’s heart that cannot be filled with anything or anyone else, each of us deals with that void differently, if at all. Personally, I was accustomed to hearing from my son on a regular basis and afterwards visited the gravesite regularly, sometimes daily. My visits are referred to as going to see him, not saying the word grave or cemetery.  

 This went on for many, many months until reading a book that was highly recommended and loaned to me be a much loved, respected, Godly man… my uncle.  The book is “A Grief Observed” by C. S. Lewis.  At the bottom of one page I read something that hit me hard and really did feel punched in the chest.  I will paraphrase here “visits to the grave keep them dead”.  I read it three or four times before the truth behind the words sunk into my head but more importantly my heart.  I knew then that my borderline obsessive visits to the “site” were robbing me of my joy in the life that he had shared with so many.

 Considering I was told that having children would bypass me, I had two sons born four years apart and for the youngest son, his extremely active life was shared with me for 27 years and five days.  My middle sister had difficulty in conceiving her first born son who was born in 1975 and was lost to us in 1994.

So after reading the book I chose “joy” to recall what was learned from them during the shortened life we had with them.  

 From my nephew Donnie and son Eric, I learned about:

·         Laughter - They did it easily, often and invited everyone around into their world immediately. Their teasing was playful, never harmful. 

·         Hugs - The hugs were huge with arms reaching all around you which made me feel so special and loved. Sometimes they would lift you from the ground, spin you around and park you somewhere else in the room and laughing the whole time.

·         Appreciation for Life – They took nothing for granted and wanted to experience all that God had made for their enjoyment.  They loved the outdoors and never saw a skyline that they did not enjoy.  Eric and I would send pictures from our cell phones of those that we may particularly enjoy.  My other son and I have the same practice.

·         Relationships – They each managed their relationships well, whether family or friends.  They also honored their commitments, however difficult.  They took responsibility for their actions.

From my Eric, I learned other things as well and do apply these “lessons” in my life at every occasion.

·         You can complement someone without lying to them.  I am reminded of the time that someone made an unkind remark about a young girl.  He said that every girl has something beautiful about them and one should tell them but don’t exaggerate it to the point that it becomes a lie, which is equally hurtful.

·         Every person has something good about them, focus on that and it actually makes it easier when you are hurt by that person who might have made it a practice to be ugly to just about everyone.

• There are those who constantly live in a house of drama but don't be part of someone else's drama.

·         Lies kill people. It’s like a cancer that eats you up from the inside.

·         When I am gone, it just means that I will see you later.  This statement came about when we were talking about the time when he father died and he looked at me and said that if he died before me that we would certainly see each other again in heaven.

There is a poem that I read recently that is especially fitting for this day.  This is the last paragraph from “In a Hundred Years’ Time” by Suzanne and Louise Kelman:

Live today and enjoy it.

Grasp every moment you can.

For Life is the eternal race-

No winners, it’s just that you ran.

 

They each ran their race and it was a good and memorable one.  At times at a sprint and sometimes at full speed but with a goal in mind to not just "do" their best but to "be" their best.

To be clear, I am not fooling myself about his faults.  He was no angel and by the time he got things right, he was taken from me. Some mistakes were repeated and one in particular may have contributed to his being no longer here.  

Was he perfect? No.

Was he forgiven? Yes and in Christ I know that I will see him when it is my turn to check out of here. 

For me as we shared our remembrances and hung our butterfly ornaments on the Christmas tree last night, it meant that I would say and did say “SEE YOU LATER ERIC”.